Broguiere's Chocolate Milk

I have been trying to hunt down a bottle of Broguiere's chocolate milk since December. Broguiere's is a local independent dairy that actually does have their own store located in Montebello. But that isn't close to me, and the thought of bringing milk home on the roughly 34 mile drive, in my air conditioning-free car (I would like to tell you I am AC-free because I am going green, but in reality I am just going ghetto) is not terribly appealing. So I have been waiting for it to appear, as it does occasionally, at my local Vons supermarket. The problem is that it is just so good -- and in short supply -- that I've been told it sells out literally within hours of being stocked. And short of stalking the delivery guy, I have just never managed to get there while it was still on the shelf.

Well, I got lucky today!

Long time readers know I am actually lactose intolerant, and by far the single most painful dairy product for me to consume is straight milk. With that in mind, you are probably wondering why I have gone so out of my way for chocolate milk, of all things.

Well, first of all, I have to tell you to read my December review of Broguiere's Vitamin D Whole Milk. That review will answer such questions. Even Broguiere's "plain" milk was simply the best milk I have ever tasted. Couple that with the fact that there are literally hundreds of mini-reviews out there in cyberspace on their chocolate milk and how amazing it is, and I simply could not resist.

If the hype is to be believed, the Broguiere's Chocolate Milk is so good that if Robert Pattinson were somehow able to magically lactate, not only would that milk be glittery (of course) and chocolate flavored, and could gave you eternal youth and goodness -- and even the tiniest of sips would be able to make all the prurient dreams of even the most rabid Twihard cougars come true -- even that still would somehow manage not to be as awesome as the stuff that comes out of Broguiere Farm's mere dairy cows.

Could it even be possible for regular old chocolate milk to be that good? I will be the judge of that, thank you very much.



First, let's talk about the color. Pooled inside the old fashioned heavy glass bottle is a chocolate milk that is so dark that it is the same color as chocolate ice cream. When you pour it, it is so thick that it actually leaves a film that coats the sides of the glass. Contrast that with the HFCS-laden commercial ready-to-drink chocolate milks we are used to, which tend to be made with 2% (or even non-fat) milk, and are so thin that the texture is almost watery. No wonder this milk is even labeled "extra creamy."



And let me tell you, it lives up to the hype! It is so creamy that it's almost like drinking a non-frozen milk shake. It's thick and rich, and like good ice cream (or the regular whole milk) it leaves a luscious fatty film in your mouth.



The chocolate flavor, again, is more like high quality chocolate ice cream than any chocolate milk you're likely to have had before. It's deep and has a very Dutch cocoa quality to it. In fact, this was the first time I have ever had a ready-made chocolate milk and not wished that more chocolate syrup had been added. No indeed, it's perfect as is. It's not too sweet, and at the same time there is no bitterness.

I feel safe to say you will probably never try a better chocolate milk, EVER. I just don't think it's possible. The only remotely negative thing I can say about it is that I am sad that since it's a natural lactose filled milk, I can't drink it whenever I want. (Although, in the interest of fair play, should Robert Pattinson in fact start lactating glittering chocolate milk, I guess I am fairly obligated at this point to review it, just to be sure. Oh, the things I will do for you people...)

Plagiarizing from myself here, but...I know that for those of you outside of Southern California, this review may be something of a tease. But you ought to search out local dairies in your own area that sell products like this. The difference between this and the highly processed milk you're probably used to drinking is amazing, and worth whatever it takes to hunt it down.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

PRICE:
$5.39 per quart bottle (price includes $2 bottle deposit, which is refundable when empty bottle is returned).

ADDITIONAL INFO:
None on the bottle, but the cap advises you to call (323) 726-0524 for nutritional info.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
Talk about old school...if they have a web site, I couldn't find it. But they do have a Yelp page here, most of whose reviews are even droolier than mine!