Herr's Puff'n Corn: Cheese Flavor

We have my sister from another mother -- Net -- to thank for this review. We were preparing dinner in her New Jersey apartment, when she made the mistake of pulling out a bag of these Puff'n Corn things and asking me if I wanted to try them. Little did I know the delicious evil that lurked inside the harmless-looking cellophane!

You see, folks, until that moment -- while I had heard of the Herr's brand -- I had never tried any of their products, as they are unfortunately not sold on the West Coast. My biggest exposure to them came via the "Grief Counseling" episode of the U.S. version of The Office, in which Jim and Karen spend the day looking for her favorite flavor of Herr's chips that are sold out from the office's vending machine.

If Jim and Karen were looking for this flavor, then I completely understand why they felt the need to blow off work and hunt them down. (At my job we call such activities "getting fired," and I am not so sure Jim's job is safe any more either. After all, Jay Leno isn't on in the eight o'clock hour...yet.)



These puffs are described as a hulless puffed popped corn (that, in this case, happens to be cheese flavored). These snacks are all about the texture. Looking at them, I feared that since they looked a little like Styrofoam packing peanuts, that they might taste like them as well...oh, no!

Imagine the tasty love child of a piece of regular popcorn and an old school Planters Cheese Ball. (Modern-day cheese puffs are kinda close, but those who remember the Planters Balls will better understand). As you bite into the puff there is a crunch that, while satisfying, doesn't threaten to cut your gums open. (Yes, Cheetos Giant, I am talking smack about you). But at the same time, once you're through the outer shell, there is an almost chewy inside, rather than the scratchy nothingness that is often at the center of a cheese puff.



The cheese flavor is good. I mean, it's standard issue powdered artificial cheese flavoring. It's hard for it to be bad (or really great). It's salty, but not excessively so. And at the same time I wouldn't call it bland either. There a distinct popcorn flavor, and it's a little buttery. And it's a bright enough orange that should you need a snack for an impending hunting trip, this could be perfect!

Poor Net. She created a monster. I ate her bag, made us go get another, and then spent the night trying to sneak rogue puffs into everything from the salad to the chicken to the apple pie. I am sure that it was every bit as pathetic to watch as it is to read about. All I know is that no cheese puff from here on out will ever be as good.


(A special shout out to Tony for posing "Jersey Shore" style for this newest rating!)

PURCHASED FROM:
Shop Rite supermarket

PRICE:
$2.19

CALORIES:
150 per 1 ounce serving

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
herrs.com

Swanson's Hungry Man Turkey Dinner

While other companies may have made frozen dinners first (so says the all-knowing Wikipedia entry), it was Swanson's original that made the whole concept catch on. And here we all are years later still eating "TV Dinners." (And yes, that is what Swanson actually called them.)

Should I also admit that I remember, back in the day, when the trays were still metal and you couldn't microwave them? And we only had six television channels...and no Internet...and the only kinds of coffee you could get were "regular" and "decaf"...damn you kids! (insert fist shaking here)



Anyways...Swanson still makes the classic frozen dinner -- and this "Hungry Man" version, which boasts 1 pound of food, which really sounds like a lot. The meal features 3 slices of breast meat and 1 slice of what I think is supposed to be dark meat, but in reality is just a scarier beige color than the rest of the turkey. There is also mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, and what I consider to be the highlight of the meal -- the apple cranberry dessert.

Let's talk about the components, one by one:

The turkey:
It seems to be more of a "pressed turkey" product than I remember it being the last time I ate one (well over two years ago). It's kind of patchy in terms of color. The texture is like a really thick piece of processed deli meat. The flavor is good; it's got a strong "roasted" taste to it. But at the same time, it seems like it tastes that way because it was injected or altered in some fashion to give it a stronger turkey flavor than it would have on its own.



The Stuffing:
I am not a big stuffing fan, so I am probably going to be less critical of this stuffing than someone who loves it would be. For me, the bread crumb stuffing reminds me of a drier version of Stove Top. You can taste the onion, celery and sage. I have to admit I would actually chose this stuffing over many others -- but again, I am not a huge stuffing fan to start with.

The Gravy:
Super-processed (not that the rest of the meal isn't), too salty, and only vaguely poultry flavored. Hmmmm, can I think of something nice to say about it? Well, it's wet...to the best of my knowledge it is not classified as a weapon of mass destruction...sorry, I can't think of anything much nicer than that.



The Corn:
There's not much one can really do to either improve or to screw up frozen corn. It is what it is: butter-flavored frozen corn. If you've ever had frozen corn, you know exactly what this tastes like.

The Mashed Potatoes:
I know I lose foodie cred every time I say this, but I really do love "fake" or powdered mashed potatoes, including the ones in this frozen dinner. No, they don't really taste like the real thing, but they are smooth and creamy. Also salty...in fact, a little much on the salty side, but I still like it. Probably raised my blood pressure about fifty points, but what the hell. What fun is life if you can't be a daredevil, right?



The Cranberry Apple dessert:
Little chunks of apple and whole berries in a sweet gel. There is nothing remotely natural about it, but it is just good!

Overall this meal is salty, overly processed, and in the whole foodie scheme of things, not something that is likely to be reinterpreted by Daniel Boulud. But there is something about it that's comforting and good in an embarrassingly lowbrow, kitschy way. You know your favorite aunt who is very sweet-natured and kind, but there's no way to get around the fact that she's also a complete idiot? Well, this might be her food equivalent.

It's okay to like this. You just need to be circumspect about whom you admit it to.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

Kellogg's Corn Flakes Touch of Honey

It was Marvo who brought the existence of these new corn flakes to my attention when he posted about them back in May .



As Marvo pointed out, corn flakes are boring. It's not that they don't taste good. But let's be honest; there is no "wow" factor. Yes, there is Frosted Flakes. And while I am a fan, on some days they are just too sweet for me.



Touch of Honey adds a welcome middle ground. To make life simple, the corn flakes taste like corn flakes. Nothing new, nothing interesting. The honey, however, adds a little something. I can't say that if I didn't know for a fact that honey was used, that I would recognize what was used as the sweetener.

The flakes are a little sweeter than regular corn flakes, but not nearly as sweet as Frosted Flakes. I can see this being a good alternative for people who want something sweet but not that sweet, or for parents who don't want to give the full-on sugar rush that is Frosted Flakes.



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

Hershey's Crisp Bar

Alright, I will just fess up now. We all know I tend not to go for the Hershey bars so what caught my eye about this one?
I would like to tell you that it was because the "crisps" in the bar are made with corn rather then rice and that's what got my attention. But no... What really did it was the fact that the bar had Brad Paisley on the label (the corn bits get second billing here). I am just saying that man has an open invitation to check me for ticks any day.

Hotties that catch Gigi's eye aside I was intrigued by the fact that the crispy bits are corn rather then rice (really, I was!). I figured that a bar made with corn bits was either going to taste one of two ways:

1. It was going to be like a Hershey bar studded with corn nuts. AKA hard and salty bits of wanna be Frito's in sweet milk chocolate -OR-

2. It was going to be more like Corn Pop's cereal. Light airy bits of corn with the sugary glaze to them.

What I didn't think of was option 3;
That not a lot would be different from a regular Hershey bar.

And guess what option it turned out to be. If you said option 3, clearly you read this blog a lot. It was kind of weird because you can see little bumps of "crispy bits" in the bottom of the chocolate. And when you bite into the bar it is indeed crispy. It's just that there is no flavor whatsoever that goes with the crunch.

As gross as this may sound I even tried to use the heat in my mouth to melt all the chocolate off of corn bits and after that the best I could come up with is that it tasted in the smallest way it could be considered a flavor, like that of stale Corn Chex. It's not that it was bad. But it was weird.

Chocolate wise it is exactly like that of the classic Hershey bar. A little too sweet for my taste with a slightly grainy texture.

About the only thing I can say is this bar has made me wonder if chocolate covered Corn Nuts would be a good thing or a bad thing.

PURCHASED FROM:
Jay's Shell Station Monrovia, Ca