Stride Eternal Melon Gum

Stride rings in 2010 with another new flavor.

If the last new flavor -- Mega Mystery -- made me think about Scooby Doo, then Eternal Melon made me think of teenage girls circa 1985. I am not sure why. It just sounds like something a crimped haired, neon legginged, Madonna listening (you know, before she started drinking the blood of virgins to stay "young"), Facts Of Life watching, Lisa Frank loving girl would chew while fantasizing about waking up in Molly Ringwald's body à la one of those zany "switch" movies that were so popular in that era...

Not that I ever did any of those things, mind you. I am far cooler than that and always have been. Just so we're clear on this, understand?



Wrapped in bright lime green paper lies an equally green stick of gum. The gum smells like a cross between powdered fruit punch and one those canned car air fresheners that have names like "California Sunset."



But how does it taste?

You know those little blocks of sawdust-looking stuff inside of those cans of air freshener? I've never felt the need to lick one, but I can't help wondering how close the taste would be to this. True to the name, there is a melon flavor -- but it's vague and hard to identify. If I had to guess, I'd say it's kind of like a cantaloupe. But I am only guessing. There is another flavor there that I couldn't identify at all. I want to say pineapple, but I am nowhere near sure of it.



It's also a little tart at first. I am not going to lie to you: it starts out tasting pretty nasty, but as the flavor wanes ever so slightly, it seems to get sweeter and better tasting. It's a Stride gum, so the flavor lasts a ridiculously long amount of time...it takes a good ten or fifteen minutes to mellow out. If you can ride out the weird flavor it opens with, it actually does end up tasting all right. And therein lies the problem with this gum -- the strangeness of the initial taste. If it actually started the way it ends up, it would have gotten a much higher rating.

Now if you don't mind, I have to go switch sides on my Debbie Gibson tape.



PURCHASED FROM:
Stater Brothers supermarket

Stride Mega Mystery Gum

Something about this gum gives me a very strong Scooby Doo vibe.

Maybe it's the word "mystery" in the name. Maybe it's the groovy tie-dye colors on the wrapper. Maybe it's the slightly fruity smell. (I am just saying there's no way that Fred was actually into Daphne...wear your ascot with fabulous pride, Fred!)



Each stick of gum is packaged in the standard Stride chewing portion. They have individual wrappers that remind me of bad casino carpeting, circa 1968. And once you actually smell the gum up close, you notice that it is still fruity -- but there's also a little citrus/sugar thing going on. It actually reminds me of the smell of Kraft FunMallows (which are a sort of fruit flavored, pastel colored marshmallow).



But how did it taste?

I think I would rather chew a Scooby Snack. The taste is sort of like orange powered fiber drink mix meets random citric acid meets peach meets I-drank-too-much-last-night-and-this-is-my-offering-to-my-porcelain-god aftertaste. And that's being diplomatic. Additionally, thanks to Stride's incredible flavor longevity, it fails to wane after even half an hour.



I still don't know what it was supposed to taste like, and I don't care to find out. This can remain a Mega Mystery, because above all else it's a Mega Fail.



PURCHASED FROM:
Walgreens