Carl's Jr. Double Grilled Cheese Bacon Burger

I love burgers on sourdough, and I love grilled cheese. And I love grilled cheese on sourdough. And since we all know it's physically impossible for bacon to do anything but improve whatever it's put on, this burger had to be a winner -- right?



Yeah, actually it is.

The sourdough bread is nicely toasted, but it doesn't have much flavor. Nonetheless it stands up well to all the cheese and grease.

The cheese blend is a mix of Swiss & American. And just in case you still had an artery or two sort of functioning amidst the cheese, there are the meat patties. And the bacon. Oh, and then the whole thing is slathered with mayonnaise. Quadruple bypass for dessert, anyone?



The beef patties are juicy and taste like they were actually grilled.

The bacon...well, it's like instant, ready-made bacon. But bad bacon is still kinda like bad sex. At least you can say you've had it.



Yes, it's a nutritional nightmare...but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't pretty awesome. It actually reminds me of a perfect hybrid of my two favorite Jack In The Box menu items -- the Sourdough Jack and the Ultimate Cheeseburger. (I am sure neither company is going to be happy I said that. But it was meant as a compliment.)

God, I feel so dirty. But I'm still smiling.



PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr.

PRICE:
$3.49

CALORIES:
1,020. (I know, but this is a sometimes food.)

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
carlsjr.com

McDonald's Angus Third Pounder Burger with Mushrooms & Swiss

The Angus Third Pounders have been national for a few months now, though I actually tried my first one last summer. (My local McDonald's is a regional West Coast test store.) I didn't review it at the time because, as it was merely being test marketed, there was a good chance it would never become a menu standard. Once it did go national, Marvo over at The Impulse Buy was brave enough to review all three Angus burgers without a cardiologist on hand...and luckily for the rest of us, did live to review again.



The Mushroom & Swiss Angus burger is a fairly simple burger. The bun is a "grown up" sesame seed bakery style roll. The topping is mayo, Swiss cheese and mushrooms. Let me pat McDonald's on the back for the mushrooms. No, they are not fresh mushrooms (that would have been awesome, but c'mon, it's still McDonald's) but they are reasonably un-rubbery. They also manage not to be greasy or slimy. They add a nice texture and taste, and thankfully they don't slide off in a mushy grey sluglike sludge. (Yes, Carl's Jr, I am glaring right at you. J'accuse!)

The burger isn't drowning in the mayo. The Swiss cheese is serviceable and melted nicely.



The burger itself is the same diameter as your average Quarter Pounder, but it is thicker. The flavor is much more "beefy" than your average McDonald's burger...in fact, it's extra beefy to the point I have to wonder if some sort of beef flavor was added. The texture is more like a burger you might make at home. The only drawback is that it was dry. As in Metamucil Biscuits dry. I found myself wishing that I could put this topping on the Carl's Six Dollar Burger because that would have been outstanding (and yes, I know I could just put my own toppings on the burger of my choice...but if I am going that far, I may as well just do the whole thing from scratch).

Minus the dryness of the patty--which could have been just bad luck on my part; maybe mine wasn't quite fresh off the grill--I have to say this is one of the best burger options Mickey D has on the current menu.



PURCHASED FROM:
McDonalds

Carl's Jr.: The Portobello Mushroom Six Dollar Burger

Back in the day, when I was somewhere around five or six years old, Carl's Jr. was the fast food I would beg for.

Because it was also the only place we ever lived within walking distance of, my grandmother, who watched us during the day (and didn't drive) would often break down and take me there; mostly to shut me up. Nowadays, I am less of a fan than I used to be -- sorry, guys, it's hard to compete with the legendary In-N-Out -- but I do like their Six Dollar Burger. And every now and then, I just have to have one. Also, as I love mushrooms on pretty much anything, it seemed as if this burger should be a slam dunk.



The burger itself is doesn't disappoint. The meat has a nice grilled taste. They don't go overboard on the mayo, and the cheese is serviceable. Yeah, they do put somewhere around half a head of lettuce on it, but that seems to be the new standard.

The problem with this burger is the mushrooms. They're slimy. Really slimy -- like snail trail slimy. They taste good enough -- by probably-canned, highly preserved, not-fresh standards. You can definitely taste that at some point in their lives they had been earthy and meaty, just a little chewy, and all the things that a good mushroom should be. Oh, what a thing it might have been if not for the fact that somewhere down the road, something evil turned them into the blackish puddle of muck that floats in a grease river on top of the burger. And in a final insult upon injury, there were even herbs added to the mushrooms to add further flavor. But, like the 'shrooms themselves, the herbs don't have any life left either, and in fact I can't tell you which herbs they once were.

But for some reasonably fresh mushrooms, this would have been a terrific fast food burger. It's actually hard to rate this one because the burger itself is damn good...but, since it is advertised as a Portobello Mushroom burger, we have to give the sorry mushrooms their due. Thus, in the end, I can't rate this one highly at all.


PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr