Rowntree's Randoms

My thanks to the great Cinabar of Foodstuff Finds for once again sending me some yummy U.K. candy to try.

Amongst all the wonderful things Cinabar packed into my latest box of goodies was this little pack of gummies (or "jellies," for those of you on the other side of the pond). What caught my attention -- besides the bright colors -- was how soft the gummies felt through the package. Also, the shapes on the package reminded me a lot of some of the fun Asian candies I have seen online at sites like J-List or at stores like Ranch 99 or Kam Man. My package also had this little gnome guy on it (has to do with a contest the company is running) that reminded me of the Travelocity "Roving Gnome." I was really hoping there would be a gummy gnome in the package because I liked the idea of posing him Flat Stanley style next to random objects.

Part of the fun of the candy is that each bag is a random mix of gummies and you never know what you are going to get in any given bag. Sadly, there was no gnome in mine.



There were lots of fun shapes and several different flavors. I picked my favorite shapes to represent each flavor:



Purple: This one had a taste that was sort of grape, sort of raspberry, sort of...currant, maybe? It's a good, juicy, fruity flavor even if I couldn't pin it down entirely.



Green: I was hoping for green apple -- but instead, it's lime. I give Rowntree points here. It's a completely artificial lime, but they still manage to avoid that industrial cleaner taste most fake lime has. Instead, it's like a gummy version of green doctor's office lollipops.



Orange: Zesty, but a little bit sour. Sort of like a gummy version of unmixed orange juice concentrate. That probably doesn't sound great, but it tasted really good.



Orange/White: This one is a combo of gummy and "foam" or cream base.



It has the same great flavor as the orange in the orange part (big stretch there). The white foam/creme has no taste as far as I can tell.



Yellow/White: The yellow is lemon. This may be the best gummy lemon ever. It's fresh and vibrant.



Granted, it's not quite natural, but it isn't completely fake either. Once again, the white base is tasteless.



Red: This was the lone flavor I didn't like. It was cherry, and it tasted like cough syrup and "red." But the color was quite pretty.



Lighter Red/White: I think this was supposed to be strawberry.



The strongest flavor was simply "red" from the food dye, but it didn't have the same cough syrup taste that the plain red had. The white base, again, is tasteless.

The texture on all of the gummies, regardless of flavor, was a very soft, chewy gel. The only difference with the gummy/cremes is that the creme base is harder and less chewy.

As a whole, this is a really fun candy. The shapes are cool, and they're very well molded. The flavors (besides the red) were really good and the texture was perfect. Hey Nestlé, we need our version of these!

Be sure to check out Cinabar's review here.



PURCHASED FROM:
Gift from Cinabar of Foodstuff Finds.

CALORIES:
164 calories per bag.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Contains gelatin, and may contain traces of dairy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
rowntrees-randoms.co.uk

Snake Bitez: Gummi Snakes

I know you are probably sitting there asking yourself why anyone would want to review gummy snakes. Oh, and did I mention they are (almost) three foot long gummy snakes? Honestly, it was because my inner Samuel L. Jackson just could not resist putting these Mother Farking Snakes on my Mother Farking Blog!

Of course I tasted them like the true badass I am, wearing cool shades (indoors) and saying the "F" word a lot. (OK, I kinda do that anyway, so I guess I can't blame Sam or the snakes.) I can assure you, however, that when faced with a real snake, my demeanor is not quite so icy cool.

Nooooo, I am not a fan of real snakes. Our former home in rural Georgia had a rather picturesque pond and stream on the property. And while that looked pretty, it also meant we had snakes. Lots of snakes. Nasty snakes. Lots of nasty snakes. Both water moccasins and copperheads were plentiful. You couldn't escape to higher ground either, as there were rattlesnakes in the fields and woods. Once we found a snake swimming in our pool (which was already kinda gross after being left untreated and covered with a winter tarp for several months). And because I am a giver, I have posted below a picture of the actual beastie:



Would it shock you to learn that I pretty much hated going outdoors? And yes, I know they are supposedly more afraid of me than I am of them, blah, blah, blaaaaahhh. Yeah, right. Listen, I've watched enough bad snake movies to know -- know, I tell you! -- that lurking somewhere in the murky depths of our peaceful little stream, there was a giant fifty foot...no, eighty foot...no, hundred foot long snake, just waiting to kill me and swallow me like a Tater Tot. (C'mon, think of all the candy I consume. If you are what you eat, then I am filled with sugary goodness, and what snake could resist that?)

Anyway, getting back to the review...



The Snake Bitez snakes come in two flavors. The blue and white one is called "Biting Blue Raspberry" and the green and orange one is called "Apple Assault." In both cases the snakes are well molded, and there is a surprising amount of detail in them. They actually have little eyes and scales.

As for the texture: it is the same regardless of the flavor. The snakes themselves are about two inches around. That may not sound like much in the scheme of things, but it makes for a pretty thick slab of gummy. Through the thin cellophane wrapping you can feel that the gummy is soft and pliable. Actually biting into the gummy, it is much chewier then you would expect from touching it. In fact it's downright tough to chew.

So how did they taste?

We'll start with the Biting Blue Raspberry:



This is a pretty bright Windex blue and opaque white snake (the bottoms of both snakes are a bright yellow). It smells like a blue Squishy.




The flavor is bitter -- more, I think, from the dye used than any other reason. In terms of the raspberry, it tastes stale and musty. It's like they used the flavor from the world's oldest Squishy -- and even that doesn't clearly describe the awfulness. It's not like I was expecting fresh picked raspberry, but there are far better examples of good fake raspberry flavor out there. This one was just nasty.

Oh, and the aftertaste lingers. And lingers. And lingers...

Now, on to the Apple Assault:



This snake has alternating bands of green and orange (and yes, the yellow bottom). It doesn't have any scent to it.



This snake is also more bitter (though less so than the Biting Blue Raspberry) than there seems to be reason for -- but the flavor is much, much better. While this is clearly an artificial apple flavor, is it a good one. It's sweet and juicy -- kinda like every other green apple flavored candy you have ever had. If not for the same bitter notes that plagued the other snake, this would actually be a damn good gummy.

So, where do these rate on the scale? (Scales...get it? I am SOOOOOOOOO funny, she hissed to herself...oh my gawd, did I actually say hissed? I am so hilarious I slay myself...oooooooooh ha ha ha hee hee hurf hurf hyuk...)

The Biting Blue Raspberry:



The Apple Assault:



PURCHASED FROM:
Blockbuster Video

PRICE:
$2.99 (per snake)

CALORIES:
170 calories per 1/4 snake (or 50 grams)

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Contains pork and/or beef based gelatin, so not kosher and not vegetarian.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
candyasap.com

Disney Fairies Gummy Flowers: Sweet & Sour

Way back in July, Cybele reviewed a version of these candies (which were called "Pixie Perfect Gummies"). At the time I had no real desire to eat them -- but I did think that her pictures made them look quite pretty.



But there I was at WalMart yesterday, rifling through the candy, when I noticed the box of Gummy Flowers. (Its package photos still do not look as good as Cybele's). I am not sure if this is an entirely different product or simply a redesign of the the one Cybele reviewed. Besides the name being "Gummy Flowers" rather than "Pixie Perfect Gummies," the outer package is not a bag but a movie theater style candy box. It also says that it's a sweet and sour blend. (Although the candy is still in little individual pouches inside said box.) Tinkerbell's Pixie Pals have been banished from the box, and Tink herself leers up in a creepy come-hitherish way that makes me want to make sure Chris Hansen isn't hiding somewhere, just waiting to ask me to take a seat. Seriously, I have a feeling that this was drawn during a phase in Tink's life where she felt like she had to compete with some of the other wannabe Disney starlets; girls who hadn't quite mastered the concept of why it's a bad idea to text naked pictures of yourself...unless you want it to be mentioned on TMZ repeatedly until the end of time...or the end of your career...whichever should come first. (Yes, I am expecting email from Disney's lawyers in three...two...one...) No, folks, that wasn't even the hook that made me part with my dollar to buy the box.




No, that came when I read the back of said box and saw the proclamation that they were "Made Responsibly In China." Well, how could I resist that? Yeah...

In case you missed it, China has been in the news a lot over the last few years for having lead in candy, and all sorts of dire health warnings and recalls issued for food items manufactured there. There is so much information available on this topic that I wouldn't even know where to start linking. Just Google if you're interested. Not to slam an entire country here, but clearly Chinese QA is a concern. (Yes, to be fair, a number of other countries have the same problem.) Looking at this candy as a whole -- from manufacturing location to package to actual candy -- it's clear that Disney makes some interesting choices. (Expecting second email from Disney lawyers...right about...now.) But in any event, these candies were made responsibly -- and it was time for me to enjoy them.

The inner individual packets come with five gummies in each bag. There are three bags to the box. When the box said Sweet & Sour Gummy Candy, I had the impression that the sweet and the sour pieces would be mixed together. In fact, the sours are all sequestered into a mere one out of the three bags. This did sort of make sense -- clearly the candy is aimed at younger kids, and the sour pieces are probably not as popular as the sweet pieces.



There are three flavors, so I am going to do them flavor by flavor, with both the sweet and the sour versions.

In terms of texture, the candies -- while they are somewhat soft and pliable -- are simultaneously chewy to the point that you could call them tough. The candies are fairly large (almost an inch and a half across), and I wonder how hard a time small children would have chewing them or biting off pieces.

The only difference the sour pieces have from the sweet pieces is the dusting of sugar. It add a little crunch and makes the candy a little scratchy on the tongue.

Anyway, on to the flavors...

PINK: Watermelon. Although the box art showed one of the round flowers as being a rather vibrant purple, my box only contained pink flowers. Granted, some were darker (very, very slightly) than others, but I suspect that is just a fluke of the tinting rather than on purpose.

Pink sweet:



Have you ever been using a watermelon-flavored lip balm and gotten a chunk in your mouth? It's like that. Waxy, with a very chemical fake watermelon taste. There is also a bitter aftertaste that I am assuming comes from the dye...or Tinkerbell's tears of shame, whichever.

Pink sour:



I like sour candy. I like sour watermelon. I do not like this sour watermelon candy. I can tell you exactly what they taste like: sour lawn clippings. Yeah, that sounds harsh, but I swear to you it tastes like blades of grass (or wheat grass) covered in sugar and citric acid. Blecch.

BLUE: Blue Raspberry. The blue pieces were nicely molded into little butterflies.

Blue sweet:



This is kind of like a generic blue slushie. It's raspberry flavor in the fakest possible way -- but it's so fake that it's kinda good. The aftertaste is like bad perfume, though.

Blue sour:



After the horrific taste of the watermelon sour, I was worried about this one. But it was merely sour. No immediate flavor, just sour. Once you get through the layer of sugar, it tastes just like the sweet version.

GREEN: Green Apple. The green pieces are also molded into flowers.

Green sweet:



This is the one I was most worried about, because it just doesn't smell good. It smells the way old gum tastes. I am torn on the flavor, though. On one hand, it is the most clearly artificial of the three -- at its worst moments, it also has that took-a-bite-of-lip-balm flavor that the watermelon has -- only amplified by ten. At its best, which comes about ten seconds into having the piece in your mouth (and ends approximately four seconds later), it does in fact taste like apple juice. But I would rather just drink the juice and cut out the middleman.

Green sour:



Again, just sour. But it does manage to cut through some of the most waxy parts. Actually, this was my favorite of the bunch. For the few seconds that it tastes like apple juice, the sourness is nice with that.

As candy, this ranks pretty low. But I will give them points for being nicely molded, and I can see where they would make good decorations for cakes, etc. (I will give them points for that -- but not a higher rating.)



PURCHASED FROM:
WalMart

PRICE:
$1.00

CALORIES:
90 calories per 5 pieces

ADD'LL INFO:
Fat-free. Contains gelatin.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
flixcandy.com. BROWSER WARNING: Site is done entirely in Flash.

Norfolk Manor Wine Gums

I had some reservations about including this box of wine gums in Brit Week.

Wine gums are, as best I can tell, loved in the U.K. pretty much on the same level we in the U.S. love our Gummi worms. The most popular brand is Maynards (made by Cadbury), but I don't think I have ever seen them in a store here. I saw conflicting bits online saying that they either were or weren't (depending on the story) imported to the U.S. because they contain food dyes that the FDA does not permit. This box is made by Norfolk Manor and while they are made in the U.K., the box states that they are made for export to the U.S. -- so I am admittedly playing a little fast and loose with this one.



Norfolk Manor's version features five different flavors.

The texture is the same on all of the flavors, and reminds me most of a stale "Fruit Snack"-- you know, those things mostly aimed at parents who want to feel like they are giving their kids a healthy snack rather than candy. (And it's pretty much a bad attempt at both, in the case of those products). If you aren't familiar with "Fruit Snacks," to sum it up, they are not as gummy as a Gummi bear or worm, but not as firm as a Jujube or a Dot.

Each wine gum has an attempt at a word of some sort being molded into the top of the candy. But in almost all of the pieces, the molding was so smooshed that it was impossible to make anything out. On the few that were readable, there were names of wines...none of which seem to have any bearing on the flavors. For example, I found three candies marked PORT -- all three were different colors. And none of them tasted remotely like port. (Ditto with the candies marked BURGUNDY, CHAMPAGNE, and SHERRY. There may be more names, but I couldn't make them out.) So with that in mind, we are going to just ignore whatever is stamped on the top, and I will just describe them by color.

Red:


I was expecting cherry because most "red" candies are cherry. I think in this case the flavor might be raspberry. Not a "real" raspberry, mind you. More like a kids' juice mix version; but it was actually more or less decent. Sweet, a little bitter (though that might be the dye). Not at all complex. Not special in the least, but at least edible.

Orange:



Wanna guess what orange is flavored like? Yes, it is in fact flavored like every fake orange flavored candy you have ever had. It's not horrible, but it's flat and forgettable. There's no zest to it, yet it's also not too sweet.

Yellow:



It's rare that I don't like something lemon flavored, even if it's fake lemon. But somehow this managed to do it. It's like someone found the world's oldest stash of doctor's office sugar-free lollipops, dipped them in ammonia, and then rolled said old, ammonia soaked lollipops in stale raw carrot shavings. Actually, that would probably still taste better.

Green:



If orange is always orange-flavored, then we know green always either means lime (on more classic products) or, more frequently on newer products, green apple. I think this was supposed to be lime. I say "supposed to be," because it tastes exactly the way industrial floor cleaner smells. Epic fail.

Purple:



I think it was supposed to be currant, maybe grape. Maybe I just don't want to talk about it. It's faintly musty. I am just not sure what it's supposed to be, and frankly it was too vile to torture myself with a second one just to find out.

As a whole, I liked the texture. I liked the red ones most -- or maybe I should say I disliked them the least. But beyond that, I am perfectly OK with not finishing the box...because the truth is, they were by and large utterly disgusting. I am wondering if maybe I just had expectations that were too high. Or maybe this brand simply is not in the same league as Maynards. I hope that Cybele chimes in, as she recently listed wine gums on her list of the 110 Essential Candies for Candivores, and many moons ago she reviewed the Maynards Wine Gums here. So I would be interested to hear her opinion on this brand.



PURCHASED FROM:
Gift from my mother