MASH: Grapefruit Citrus Zing

Yes, I love New York. I think everyone who reads this blog knows that very well. But one of the few things that I hate about New York is that sooner or later, small neighborhood stores that I have loved going to, visit after visit, almost always end up changing from cute little independent local spots to just another national chain outlet that I can easily go to at home.

That's sort of what happened to my favorite little bodega (mini-mart to the rest of us). Honestly, the service had been bad, the prices were kind of high, and the food tended to be out of code...but what they did have going for them had been the Universe's biggest selection of Snapple (as well as many other soft drinks, both popular and obscure). I could always find something interesting there. Well, times have changed since my last visit, and the location is now a rather generic cafe/sandwich place. The sandwiches aren't bad and the staff is a heck of a lot nicer, so it's not a complete loss. But sadly gone is the amazing drink selection.

They did, however, have the MASH line, which I have never seen before.

MASH, according to the bottle blurb, is meant for everyone. It's not a soda nor is it 100% juice. And it also boasts of being a low calorie option. Yeah, we are going to get to all of that in a second...

Anyway, I happen to like grapefruit juice -- or even grapefruit soda -- so I thought I would start there.



The drink is only very lightly carbonated, which I really liked. It's pretty much a known fact to long time readers, but I will repeat myself: I am one of those people who like my carbonated beverages on the slightly flat side, so whenever something is already going easy on the bubbles that works for me.

The grapefruit flavor comes across as very natural. It's got just a slight bitter edge with no aftertaste. If you've ever eaten a really ripe, fresh pink grapefruit and sprinkled it with sugar, and then drank the juice that stays in the rind...well it tasted pretty close to that. It is a sweetened drink ,but it uses sucralose (AKA Splenda) as the sweetener rather than HFSC or even regular sugar. Personally, I can live with that, as I am one of those people that don't mind or notice the taste of Splenda/sucralose (it's my sweetener of choice for coffee, actually).

I liked the body of it. It wasn't as thick and filling as a juice, and yet it was as sweet and as bubbly as a (somewhat flat) soda. I actually went through several of these over the course of my stay. New favorite grapefruit beverage, hands down!



Remember I said we could get back to a couple things that bothered me? Well, here goes: The first thing being that the label says it's not soda, but it's not 100% juice either. Actually, the label calls it a "water drink." Well, a water drink that uses sparkling water (AKA carbonated water...gee, kinda like SODA!). Interesting choice of words there. While I certainly wouldn't exactly call it a soda, considering that it contains only one per cent actual juice, I think they were creatively dressing the proportions. After all, soda as a soft drink choice is starting to go down the same dark, scary back alley that trans-fats and other delicious but questionably beneficial items go to flash their wares while hiding from the fuzz.

This also extends to the calorie count. I understand that at the moment there is a lot of pressure on manufacturers to make everything as low-cal as possible (because we certainly can't expect people to just, ya know, be responsible for their own portion control) and the bottle boasts that the drink is a mere 40 calories a serving! Problem is, the bottle is 20 ounces, and the serving is considered to be 8 oounes...so there are 2.5 servings per bottle. Now, really -- how many people are going to actually pour out the precise 8 ounce serving? Yes, I realize a small percentage will. But let's be honest; most people are just downing the entire bottle. Would it really be that horrible a sin to list the true calorie count of 100 calories for the entire bottle? 100 calories as to compared to your average soft drink is still pretty damn good!

I'm not basing the rating on anything other than the flavor -- but clearly I am annoyed by the trend of creatively wording the blurb and manipulating the serving size to keep the food police happy. A pox upon both or however many houses they have!



PURCHASED FROM:
94 Corner Cafe (94th & Broadway, New York City)

PRICE:
$1.99

CALORIES:
40 Calories per 8 oz. (or 100 for the entire bottle)

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Kosher, sweetened with sucralose

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
drinkmash.com

Temptations by Jell-O: Lemon Meringue Pie

If you have read even a handful of my reviews, you probably know that if something is made with lemon -- in even the most remote sense -- then that is something I will line up to try. Well, Jell-O has added a new line of low-calorie treats based on different desserts, and they were nice enough to send out samples of all six of them to me!

And naturally, I had to start with Lemon Meringue pie.



Jell-O's Temptations products come in sleek packages of three individual cups (rather than the six cups that come in the various pudding packs), but they are a slightly larger serving size than the pudding cups (size varies depending on flavor). The Lemon Meringue Pie features a larger lemon base layer, and is then topped off by the meringue.

So how is this cup of wonderful?

First, I like the texture of the lemon base -- it is actually pretty close to lemon curd. Not quite as smooth, though. It reminded me almost of the whipped texture of the Jell-O Mousse line, only not quite as "moussy." The flavor is tangy but still sweet, and -- if you don't think about it for too long -- it does strongly resemble an actual lemon meringue pie. Unfortunately, it has a very chemical aftertaste. It's not a terribly strong aftertaste, and it doesn't last long, but it is undeniably there.



The meringue layer's texture is exactly like the texture of the Jell-O Mousse cups. It has the slightly sweet, vanilla-like taste of real meringue down pat. It was really good. I could have eaten an entire cup of just this layer alone.

All in all, not bad. Even with the aftertaste I would still eat more of them (though mostly to get at the meringue layer). I wish there had been at least a little bit of pie crust...but then again, crust adds calories. So I guess it's a trade-off. Oh well.




PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company.

PRICE:
MSRP is $2.89.

CALORIES:
100 calories per 1 cup serving (3.9 oz)

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
jello.com

New Tree Chocolate Granola Bar

I have liked New Tree chocolate since the very first bar I found on a visit to Zabar's in New York City. The first one I tried was the Tranquility bar, which is milk chocolate and lavender (new and improved review to come soon -- but for now, my rather lame first review can be read here). I love unusual flavors and New Tree has no shortage of those. Since I started trying New Tree's chocolates, they have changed their packaging from the old heavy cardstock and rather simple drawings of the theme ingredient to a glossy, sleek photo-style envelope. And it looks like chocolate bar itself has been re-molded as well...which is yet another reason for me to redo my older reviews.

The bar I'm reviewing now is part of New Tree's expansion into healthier options that take another step into more unconventional flavor combinations. This bar, for example, boasts having antioxidants and three times the fiber (along with 30% less sugar) than its similar counterparts. And if that's not a good reason to eat chocolate, then I am just going to call it a day permanently. Other than raw fruit and veggies, that's about as close to health food as I really feel the need to get.



Anyway, New Tree's Granola bar is a 31% milk chocolate that not only features little bits of granola, but is flavored with lime and green tea as well. I love green tea with lime as a drink, but will they play well together with chocolate? I am looking forward to finding out.

I do, however, have one complaint prior to actually tasting anything. It is a minor complaint, but it irks me. While New Tree has indeed changed the exterior packaging to a more modern look -- which I really like -- the new package illustration also shows a change to the molding of the bars themselves. That's all well and good...except that the bars actually are still molded just as they were when I first tried them almost four years ago. As you can see below, the bar is broken up into smaller square tiles rather than the brand-name embossed bar portions with the jaunty little tree designs that you see on the label. I realize that's not a big deal in the grand scheme of life -- but it's not truly representative of what you're getting. It's like a chocolate version of that hot girl you meet with the seemingly titanic rack: it looks great pushing out against her shirt, until you remove said shirt and find out you got duped by a push-up bra. Yes, I know the chocolate still tastes just as good (and the girl probably does too, but that's not within the scope of this review), yet it's still a disappointment. I guess the lesson here is that, much like many other aspects of life, it is the inside and not the outside that should count. It's just that sometimes the inside has to work a little harder to win you over once the outside has let you down.



So, after all that dime-store philosophizing, how did the inside work out?

Pretty well, actually. Regardless of its molding, the little squares have a great aroma. It's zesty and floral with a nice creamy finish. And the taste is even better.

The first thing you taste is the lime. It's bright and tangy but not sour or overpowering.



I am not sure that if I didn't know this bar had green tea in it that I would have guessed exactly what I was tasting. Actually, on first taste, it reminded me of mild pepper rather than tea. Then again, it is tea extract, and I can't say I have ever tasted that before. Maybe tea extract is just peppery? (Anyone out there have information on that?) Peppery or not, though, it was quite good.

The little clumps of granola are toasty and oaty and perfectly crunchy, which adds a nice contrast to the smooth texture of the chocolate. And, speaking of the chocolate: even three-years-plus after trying it for the first time, I am still in love with it. New Tree is a Belgian company, and -- yes, I have said it before -- those people can give the Swiss a run for their money any day when it comes to making chocolate. (But neither the Belgians nor the Swiss should get too complacent, because there are plenty of other countries who want a piece of the high-end chocolate action, and some of those efforts might surprise you. For instance, I've reviewed an Icelandic chocolate that was absolutely delicious, which you can read about here. I've also reviewed a very nice assortment box from Bolivia, which you'll find here.)

The chocolate is just strong enough that the lime and the tea flavors don't run it over. There is a really rich, milky taste to it. It's definitely on the sweeter side, but I think that with the tart lime, that's for the best. I can see where the lime might be too aggressive otherwise.



It has a reasonably smooth melt -- but remember, there are the bits of granola to melt around. It's a pleasant contrast.

Bottom line: As someone who loves citrus and chocolate together, this bar was an easy winner for me. I really think lime needs to be paired with chocolate (and not white chocolate!) more often. If you should see this bar, by all means get it. You won't be sorry.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company.

CALORIES:
170 calories per 100 grams.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Allergen info not listed.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
newtree.com

Jelly Belly Chocolate Dips

First of all, I feel the need to apologize to the nice people at Jelly Belly. They actually sent this box out to me just prior to Christmas, and due to snowballing events (a good majority of which included the six inches of snow that pretty much shut down Atlanta), I have not actually gotten around to doing the review until now...and really I hate being so tardy. Mea culpa.

I actually was really excited to try these beans after reading Candy Blog's review in early December, when Cybele got her hands on a box.

I have long loved Jelly Belly's beans, and oddly enough, as much as I dislike coconut, that is my favorite flavor jelly bean. I was sent the five flavor gift box. The official Jelly Belly website also offers a rather impressive selection of ways to get the dipped beans besides the gift boxes. Inside the box, in little bean-shaped wells, the dipped beans sit clearly marked so you don't have to guess which kind you're getting. The five flavors are Very Cherry, Orange, Raspberry, Coconut, and Strawberry. And since that's the way they're placed in the box, I am going to review them in that order.



As far as the chocolate coating goes, each bean is completely enrobed in a layer of glossy chocolate. But as Cybele points out in her review, the size of the bean is identical to its non-dipped siblings. This is because the chocolate replaces the normal sugary shell that would cover the bean's center. Knowing that kind of disappointed me prior to tasting, because I am one of those people who like the slightly crunchy texture that you get biting into a normal jelly bean. But hey, we have chocolate! So maybe I shouldn't be preemptively whining.



The chocolate is simply identified as Dark Chocolate, but I could not tell you the cocoa percentage. When you open the box, the aroma is vaguely chocolatey and sort of fruity. The beans, of course, are sealed by the chocolate; so I was not expecting a strong fruit smell.



Very Cherry:

This was the flavor I was least looking forward to. I am not a fan of cherry candy as a rule, but I was glad it was first, because I figured it would be all uphill from here.

The chocolate is a thin layer that dissolves quickly (if you're the kind who lets your beans melt in your mouth rather than chewing it). It tastes OK. It's not the best chocolate, but it certainly is not the worst. It is a very mild dark -- enough that in the case of the cherry, it provided some nice contrast to the sweetness of the bean. I have to say my fears about the texture were wasted. I really liked how it was basically a nice soft jelly. It reminded me of the chocolate covered jelly sticks I like.

The cherry itself is strong. They have always reminded me exactly of a Luden's cough drop. It will never be my favorite flavor but I give it points for not having a bitter aftertaste.


Orange:

Orange and dark chocolate are always a winning combination and this bean is no exception. It's a nice zesty orange. I really liked the fact that Jelly Belly didn't hold back on the flavor; this is a seriously strong orange. I think the chocolate helped sweeten it up a little, and that may help those of you who prefer your orange a little tame. I like the boldness and think this is one of the best orange-chocolate combos ever.


Raspberry:

Like the orange, this is pretty much a classic chocolate and jelly flavor combination. The raspberry has a very floral quality to it. It reminded me of a raspberry liqueur (like Chambord). I really liked the fact that it was a very grown-up, realistic raspberry flavor instead of something artificial. Again, I think for a time tested chocolate/jelly candy it is on par with the best of the best.



Strawberry:

Ok, I admit it: I was not really looking forward to this one. I love fresh strawberries, but strawberry-flavored items tend to have a nasty aftertaste for me. And unfortunately, this was no exception. Which was a bummer, because after the orange and raspberry beans being so outstanding, I'd gotten my hopes up. Sadly, this bean is just too darn sweet. It skirts the line between tasting like the actual berry, and every cheap strawberry flavored gum on the planet. I think I actually liked the Very Cherry more. And that, my friends, is saying something.

Finally, I saved the one I was most looking forward to for last. (OK, so I just messed up the order in which they're packaged. Shoot me, why doncha?) And that one would be...


Coconut:

Blame it on a young love of piña colada flavored items and the smell of certain sunscreens. Once again, while I hate actual coconut, the coconut bean has always been my favorite of the Jelly Bellys. I know that makes pretty much no sense, but that's the way it is. (OK, that and toasted marshmallow ones -- how great would that be chocolate coated?) I like the slight vanilla edge it has and the sweet tropical flavor. Incidentally, I have already announced I will not be sharing the remainder of these beans, so don't even ask -- y'all know who y'all are!


As a whole, I really liked the Chocolate Dips. I hope they expand the line to more flavors -- I am nominating the marshmallow and popcorn beans.

Since this is a gift box, I am going to give it an overall rating rather than rating the individual beans -- but remember that each bean is also available on its own. If I had rated them individually, I can tell you that the Orange, Raspberry, and Coconut would each be solid, orgasmic 11's...but the Very Cherry and the Strawberry dragged the average down. It's still a very nice gift box, though.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company

PRICE:
My box was a manufacturer's sample. It sells for $5.99 on the Jelly Belly website.

CALORIES:
150 calories per 40 beans.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Box doesn't give any allergen information.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
jellybelly.com

Sierra Mist Natural

I may be a diehard Coke drinker, but I really have to give Pepsi props for their continuing use of real sugar over HFCS in special editions of their products.

Sierra Mist is a relatively new member of the Pepsi family, having been launched in 1999 (to replace lemon-lime Slice) and gone national in 2003 or so. With that in mind, since there was never a version made with sugar, it was clear that they couldn't call this part of the Throwback line. Instead, it is joining Pepsi Natural as a new Natural edition. And let's be honest: the very name "Sierra Mist" already sort of conjures up a kind of crunchy, hippie vibe for me anyway.

I should also be honest, that while I looooooooove the Sierra Mist Diet Ruby Splash, I have never been a huge fan of the original Sierra Mist. For me it's been because the carbonation has always seemed on the flat side -- which I normally like, but in this case it does nothing for me. The lemon-lime flavor seems a bit diluted, and I tend to think there's a funky aftertaste. Sorry guys, but I prefer the stronger, more carbonated Sprite Zero, or even regular HFCS sweetened Sprite better. But how could I resist giving Sierra Mist a second chance when it was made with real sugar?



So how did it taste?

Well, better than hippie bathwater, I will give it that...

Okay, seriously though, all the things I already did not love about the "old" Sierra Mist are still present and accounted for in the Natural version. The lemon-lime flavor is still more muted than I prefer it to be -- but I do have to give it credit at the same time for tasting cleaner and crisper than its HFCS-sweetened sibling. Had it just been stronger, I would have really liked it.

The carbonation is beyond light. When you pour the soda it does foam up, but almost immediately the bubbles die down and the carbonation level drops to almost nonexistent.



I will also give points to the Natural version for managing to do away with the funky aftertaste that I think the "normal" version has -- although I am pretty sure that aftertaste was caused by the HFCS to begin with.

All in all, as much as I applaud the use of actual sugar, I still can't say I am a fan of Sierra Mist...although if I had to drink it, this is the version I would pick.

Be sure to also check out BevReview's take -- which is chock full of info on changes being made to the Sierra Mist line, plus news on the return of the seasonal Cranberry Lime flavor.



PURCHASED FROM:
Target

PRICE
$1.00

CALORIES:
100 calories per 8 ounces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Caffeine free. No artificial ingredients, colors, flavors or preservatives.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE
sierramist.com

Krispy Kreme: Lemon Cake Doughnut

I don't make it to Krispy Kreme all that often. This is mostly because the nearest location to me is not that close -- and secondly, because I sort of like fitting through doorways without having to butter my hips first. But as part of my genius plan to trick my best friend Mr. X into renting me a Gerard Butler movie, I had to pony up something to make sitting through it worthwhile for him. So, off to Krispy Kreme I went. (Incidentally, Mr. X totally got the better end of this deal. He got free Krispy Kremes, and I lost two hours of my life sitting through a truly excruciating movie.)

If product developers out there have learned anything from reading this blog, it is that if you put the word "Lemon" in front of a product, I will try it. In fact, I will probably go out of my way to try it. And when I saw the promo posters for Krispy Kreme's new Lemon Cake doughnut, I knew exactly what I was going to get for myself.



I was good and only got one...and one is pretty much all the Krispy Kreme I can take at a time anyway. Oh, it's not that they aren't great -- but they are so sweet it's all I can take before my blood sugar soars to the point that you could use it to preserve fruit slices.

The Lemon Cake doughnut is a cake doughnut (well, duh!) that is coated lightly in what looks like a simple sugar glaze, and is then drizzled with a sunny yellow lemon zigzag.

So did this doughnut at least turn out better than the Gerard Butler movie?

Looking at the doughnut, it looks an awful lot like the traditional Krispy Kreme glazed -- although the bottom does look sorta cake-like.



It is intensely sweet, but I was expecting that. The problem is that the lemon flavor -- in both the swirlies on top and in the doughnut itself -- is really, really fake. And not even in that perversely tasty way that fake lemon can sometimes be. It was like some generic supermarket brand lemon-flavored cereal mixed with corn syrup. The cake was also greasy and dense (personally, I think Krispy Kreme's biggest strength is they're classic glazed, fresh and hot off the line...but in this case, that didn't matter). I really can't say anything kind about this doughnut. In fact, I couldn't finish it; two bites was all I could stand, and even that was a challenge of willpower. It was a disaster from every possible perspective.

The worst part is that I honestly can't tell you which was worse -- the movie or the doughnut. No, wait, I take that back...the doughnut was definitely worse. Because at least the movie had eye candy.



PURCHASED FROM:
Krispy Kreme

PRICE:
Ummm...I may have bought an assorted dozen, which retailed for $7.99. Maybe. Just shut up and don't judge me.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
krispykreme.com

Archway Frosty Lemon Cookies

Minus cookies that I may have on hand to review, cookies are seldom kept in my house. There's no real reason for this, aside from the fact that when I snack for non-review purposes the choices are usually kind of boring or repetitive. Much like a little kid, I will get on a kick for something, and that may be my only snack for weeks. (At the moment I am obsessed with frozen pineapple juice bars.)

But way, way, waaaaaayyyy back in the dark and ancient days before I had this blog, one of the things I liked to do on the night before my day off was to pick up a box of these Frosty Lemon cookies and play The Sims. (We're talking the first version here, people. Gawd, I am dating myself.) But at some point between then and now, I moved to an area that didn't seem to carry the Archway brand. And then for a short while, Archway cookies were off the shelf entirely. (There is a long story, but the company that then owned both Archway and Mother's brand cookies went under. Archway has since been bought out and restored to shelves by its new owner, Lance -- and I have since moved back to Southern California.)



So after many a long year, I finally have a package of Archway Frosty Lemon Cookies in my hands. Are they as good as I remember them to be? I can't wait to find out.

Each cookie is about the diameter of a large coaster. They are soft in texture and a sunny, pale yellow in color. There is a thin glaze of frosting on the top.

I love it when good things end up being exactly as you remembered them! The bite is soft and cakelike. The flavor is bright, mellow lemon that is neither too sweet or too tart. The frosting adds a little sugary pop. Basically, it is the perfect lemon cookie.



I love these cookies so much I did something I normally do not do: I have refused to share them with anyone. MINE MINE MINE, ALLLLL MIIIIINNNE!!!

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to put myself into time-out and grab a nap with my blankie.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company

CALORIES:
110 calories per cookie.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Contains wheat, eggs, milk, and soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
archwaycookies.com

Necco Sweethearts: New Moon Fire & Ice Special Editions

Here's something that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. As everyone who doesn't live under a rock knows, Eclipse -- the third film entry into the Twilight saga -- comes out on June 30th. And with that in mind, there has actually not been quite the merchandising push prior to its release as there was with New Moon. I am not sure if there won't be as many Eclipse-related items, or if they are just releasing them closer to the actual movie.

Necco has been the chief candy maker for all of the Twilight confections since the first movie. And when I saw these at the store, I found myself wondering if it was a product I'd overlooked around the time of New Moon's release -- and it turns out that it was. The Fire & Ice Sweethearts were apparently introduced at TwiCon last summer (don't get too excited and start making plans to go -- apparently there will be no 2010 events run by TwiCon). In any event, it seems they are back just in time for Eclipse. (In fact, these boxes are dated 2010.)

Unlike the Forbidden Fruits Sweethearts mixes -- which featured three different boxes, each with a different main character on it, but the same candy inside -- the Fire & Ice mixes are completely different.

The boxes have Jacob representing Fire, and Edward representing Ice. Even though the candy is still branded as New Moon, the Fire & Ice comparisons actually come directly from a chapter in Eclipse. How do I even know that? "Gigi!" you might be screaming at your computer, to the horror or amusement of co-workers, family or friends -- "you didn't actually read the books, did you?"

DON'T JUDGE ME, DAMMIT! I decided a few months ago that if I was going to bag on the series relentlessly, I should at least read it and make educated disparaging remarks. I still say I have read better-written pamphlets from the pharmacy -- but yes, I did actually end up liking the story itself. I know, I know...even I am kind of ashamed of myself.

Anyway, let's get to the review before I embarrass myself further. The boxes are marked "1 of 2" and "2 of 2," with Fire being placed first. So that's the order we'll review them in.

Texture-wise, these hearts are the same as every other Necco heart made since the dawn of time. It's pressed dextrose...so there is only so much we can reasonably expect. They are chalky and crumbly when you bite into them; grainy and slow to melt if you hold them on your tongue.

So how did they taste?...


FIRE:



The Jacob-inspired Fire mix consists of two flavors: "Steamy Chocolate" and "Hotter Than Apple Pie." Kind of a weird combo if you ask me (and they didn't), but whatever...

The flavors are supposed to have an "intense surge of heat," according to the box. Also unlike the Forbidden Fruits mix, these hearts are not sparkly -- but that makes sense, as Jacob is a wolf and the sparkling is restricted to the vampires.



Like all other Sweethearts Necco makes, each heart is branded with little words or sayings. Mine said things like "Team Jacob" and "Howl." The printing is just plain unreadable or missing off of most of the pieces.

"Steamy Hot Chocolate": This heart has a flavor that I can best describe as "essence of chocolate syrup." If you have ever been so desperate for a chocolate fix that you hit that bottle of syrup that had been lurking in the fridge for far too long...well, it sort of tastes like that. It's clear that chocolate is the flavor they are aiming for, but it's more like the idea of chocolate than the real thing. It does indeed get a little warm in your mouth. Not sure why, though it's vaguely cinnamony. And it's not all that interesting, let alone intense.



"Hotter Than Apple Pie": You know those horrible cinnamon-apple scents some stores use in their restrooms? Imagine sucking on that. It's mostly a cinnamon taste -- think cinnamon from uncooked instant oatmeal. As for the apple, it's fake, chemical-tasting, but mercifully it's barely noticeable.The only redeeming thing about this flavor was eventually the aftertaste died. (But it took its sweet time.) Absolutely horrible.

I am sincerely hoping for better luck with the Ice mix...



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

PRICE:
$0.99

CALORIES:
160 calories per 40 pieces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Processed in a facility that also processes peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, wheat and soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
necco.com




ICE:



Ice is mascotted by Edward, with his fashionably mussed-up hair and slightly tortured emo gaze. He's sensitive, damn it! And you stonehearted bastards don't care!! (Well, at least he doesn't whine like a certain young Anakin Skywalker we could mention. Yes, folks, I am still bitter about whiny teenage Skywalker from Episode II.) These hearts do sparkle -- like Edward -- and also have nearly unreadable sayings like "Risky" and "Bite me."



The two flavors are "Raspberry Freezeout" and "Lime Frostbite." And the box smells like a convenience store Squishy gone horribly wrong.

"Raspberry Freezeout": Like all modern raspberry flavored items, it's a frosty blue rather than a reddish hue. This one starts off pretty good. For the first few seconds it's like every "blue" squishy on the planet...and then the aftertaste kicks in. I don't know how many old ladies' perfumes they had to swipe to make this flavor, but if Bubbe or Grandma asks for a bottle for her next gift-getting occasion...well, I have a good idea as to why. I actually could not finish an entire heart. Talk about sucking.



"Lime Frostbite": This was hands down the best flavor in the bunch. It tasted as if they'd made candy out of lime "juice" mix. It's a little tangy, a little sweet. It's very artificial, but it still tasted pretty good. These I would actually eat on their own.

This mix is getting a higher rating only because of the lime.



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

PRICE:
$0.99

CALORIES:
160 calories per 40 pieces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Processed in a facility that also processes peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, wheat and soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
necco.com

Taco Bell: Classic Margarita Frutista Freeze

Yes folks, we may have hit a new low as a society. Did you know that they are now serving faux-Margaritas at Taco Bell?

Let's all be brutally honest. For the most part, there are really only two reasons that people eat at Taco Bell:

1. You are poor, and you can get an absurd amount of food on the cheap.

-AND-

2. You are really stoned or drunk (or both) and it just sounds like a really good idea. (And there are always the times when you are simultaneously poor, stoned, and/or drunk...and again, damned if Taco Bell just doesn't sound good).

I admit it: the only times I eat there are when I am either too poor to afford anything else, or I am drunk and it sounds good (someone else drives, I assure you).

It stands to reason that if you are eating there because it's so cheap, you probably cannot afford to buy the ingredients to mix a real margarita for yourself, nor to go to the bar for one. And why should a little thing like money keep you from the limey goodness of a margarita? Well, once again, Taco Bell has your back. Yes, I realize that there may be adults out there that just want the flavor without the alcohol. But jokes aside, I have a feeling that these drinks will appeal more to 14-year-old girls who order them because it makes them feel sophisticated.

Cost issues notwithstanding, I have to admit that my inner mixologist -- the snooty side of me who is a cocktail snob, and thinks that cocktails or even mocktails should only be made with freshly squeezed juices from actual fruit and not little plastic fruit shaped bottles -- is somewhat horrified at this whole concept. Oh, how I would love to be Audrey Saunders when I grow up...

However, the actual working bartender in me is nudging the mixologist part of me aside with the pointy swizzle stick of reality. Do you love any of the myriad flavored margaritas that are so popular with aging suburban women who like to fancy themselves part of a Sex and The City-style ensemble of friends? (I call those drinks Momgaritas, BTW.) If so, the fact is that you are 99% assured of drinking something that relies heavily on batches of flavored base. Those bases may taste like fruit juices, but they usually aren't. And in the case of virgin margaritas, unless the bar cuts the drink with a bit of lemonade or soda (which I am firmly against), all you are getting is a pre-made sour mix either frozen or over ice. Some places even use the same brands you can buy in the supermarket. So unless your neighborhood bar is owned and operated by dedicated cocktail purists, this prefab stuff is what you're going to get. And as far as the chains go...well, let's put it this way: Your local TGI McFunster's ain't run by cocktail purists. Period. None of the chains ever are.

Anyway...my point to all of this is that even for Taco Bell, it should be pretty hard to screw up a virgin margarita.



So, will I be wasting the day away in Tacobellritaville, sucking down faux-ritas while regretting the three gorditas I probably ate alongside? Erm...probably not.

First off, the color is weird. It's a rather bizarre shade of peachy-green. I could have understood dirty ice, or plain green, or even yellowish green. But peachy? The hell...?

And then there's the flavor. It's like the industrial chemical love child of a lime Otter Pop and floor cleaner. There is nothing remotely margaritalike about it except that it's (unpleasantly) lime flavored. Need I remind you again how hard to is to screw up a virgin margarita? You literally could go to the store, buy the cheapest bottle of sour mix, toss it over some ice in a glass rimmed with table salt, and it would still taste more like a "real" margarita than this did.



Hell, even as a limeade it never really gets past "meh" level.

Is it the worst thing on the Taco Bell menu? No, but it's not good either. Taco Bell also offers a Strawberry Margarita -- and the only difference is that the strawberry version features the strawberry puree-type topping they use on all of the strawberry Frutistas. I skipped it.

I should have skipped this, too.



PURCHASED FROM:
Taco Bell

PRICE:
$1.99

CALORIES:
454 Calories for 16 ounces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Does not contain alcohol or fruit juice.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
tacobell.com

Gail Ambrosius Chocolatier: The Adventurous Collection

I like to think my sense of adventure is up there. I bungee jumped long before everyone and their grandma did it. I will try just about anything edible or drinkable you can throw at me (and I've probably reviewed it here somewhere). I've even -- gasp! -- worked retail on Black Friday. Really, there is no limit to my daredevil side.

So when I got an email from the good people at Gail Ambrosius asking me if I would like to review one of their truffle collections, I grabbed my Indiana Jones hat and waited, somewhat patiently, for them to arrive.



Gail Ambrosius is an old school chocolatier who -- along with her staff, of course -- makes all of her single origin chocolate by hand in small batches. Kinda made me think of a chocolate version of a micro-brew. Gail's chocolates, in addition to being single origin, are also free of preservatives, with all natural, sustainable ingredients. (And since there are no preservatives, their lifespan is brief. These are not chocolates you can leave on a shelf and forget about for a couple of months.) Gail is clearly head over heels in love with her craft. If you read her blog -- or her biography on her site -- it is impossible not to sense how much she loves what she does.

I personally love a good truffle too, as my past truffle reviews reveal, and I was very excited about the six truffles in this collection.

So, here we go...


Cinnamon/Cayenne:



This truffle was wrapped in a bright orange foil. Hidden underneath the foil is a truffle made up of 65% Colombian chocolate, dusted with a fine layer of cinnamon.



What I loved about this truffle was that the incredibly smooth chocolate is just sweet enough that it is not bitter, but you wouldn't mistake it for a milk chocolate. The cinnamon is actually the first thing you taste. It's spicy but not overpowering. The best part is the heat from the cayenne, with just a teeny tiny peppery aftertaste. I could eat an entire box just of this truffle.


Sweet Curry with Saffron:



This truffle is made with Hawaiian chocolate. I can't say that I've ever had Hawaiian chocolate before, but it made me think of Marvo -- and that in turn made me think of Marvo doing the Truffle Shuffle -- which, for the record, I have never seen him do, but it sounds like something he would do. (Nothing but love for you, man, nothing but love!) All of that distracted me from the fact that this truffle also contains coconut. And coconut is my natural enemy...well, that may be going a little far. But it is safe to say I am not the biggest fan of the stuff. This truffle also has coriander, turmeric, cumin, and cardamom and the top is sprinkled with strands of saffron -- world's the most expensive spice.



This truffle smells vaguely like generic Indian food. The turmeric and the cumin were the strongest flavors. I picked up the coconut more as an aftertaste. The information for this truffle describes the chocolate as having a raisin-like aftertaste -- and damned if that's not the best way to describe it. Honestly, while I liked the spice and I liked the chocolate, the coconut killed this truffle for me. But I am sure coconut fans would love it.


Machu Picchu:



This truffle is filled with a ganache that is made with 65% Peruvian chocolate nibs that have been caramelized. There is also a hint of cinnamon and vanilla. The truffle is topped with candied almonds.



This truffle is like chocolate to the eleventh power. It's a little sweet, and you taste just enough of the cinnamon and the vanilla so that you know they're there, but otherwise it is just pure chocolate essence. The nibs are almost completely ground, but there are little chunks here and there that add crunch to the otherwise smooth filling. Very nice!


Lemongrass with Ginger:



This one reminded me of Thai food. The chocolate is a 70% Venezuelan chocolate that is infused with dried organic lemongrass, coconut purée, and ginger pulp. It is topped with candied lemon peel and dried safflower.



Even with the coconut I loved this truffle, mostly because the strong warmth of the ginger worked to cover up all but the last notes of the coconut. The lemongrass gives it a fresh clean taste, and the dark chocolate just wraps the whole thing up in an earthy blanket.


Rica Organica:



This one is made with chocolate that Gail herself treks to Costa Rica to get. It's a simple truffle, made only with said chocolate, plus cream and vanilla bean.



This is the most basic truffle in the mix. It is also a great example of how sometimes it is the little things that make the most impact. With this truffle, all you taste is the chocolate. It's a little fruity, a little coffee-like. It's sweetened by the cream. If you are just beginning to get into dark chocolates, this is an excellent place to start.


Shiitake Mushroom:



Not going to lie -- this single truffle was the entire reason I chose this collection out of the others available. Seriously, how could you not want to try chocolate and mushrooms together?!

The chocolate is the 65% Peruvian, and is mixed with a mixture of dried shiitake mushrooms and cream.



Anyone who says that mushrooms and chocolate do not belong together needs to be fed this truffle -- even if by force at first. The mushrooms bring a slightly chewy texture to the center. Paired with the dark chocolate, it tastes like fresh soil, coffee, woodsy happiness. It's sweet, it's salty, and it's probably going to become my new obsession.

Yeah, this was a great collection. The texture of the all of the truffles, regardless of flavor/chocolate was excellent. Just enough snap on the outer shell. The interior ganache was silky smooth and cool on the tongue. These are some of the best truffles I have ever had.

The box also included...

A bonus! (I think)



While not listed as part of the Adventurous Collection, my box also contained a couple of the Caramel Sprinkled with Grey Salt squares. Not one to look gift salted caramel in the mouth (or share it willingly), I was thrilled with the addition.

The Columbian chocolate is deep and coffee-like. The salt was everything you could ever hope for. The texture of caramel itself is super soft and smooth, almost to the point of being a butter cream. It's mildly buttery and sweet. It is at its best when you get a part of the square with a lot of salt on it. There was something about it that I just couldn't put my finger on -- and it kept me from deciding whether or not I really loved it -- or if I was really indifferent to it. But I still ate all of them, so I am leaning towards really liking it.



This collection is just a tiny portion of what Gail Ambrosius offers. Be sure to check out the website to view it all for yourself. (Sadly for my international friends, they are currently able to ship only within the U.S. So if you see something you reeeeaaaallllllly gotta have, you might want to start being really nice to your U.S. friends!)

Get your hands on this collection by any means necessary.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
gailambrosius.com