Little Debbie Peppermint Swiss Rolls

Once again that fawn-eyed temptress Little Debbie is coyly looking at me from the corner of my box of Peppermint Swiss Rolls, with a gaze that whispers: "C'mon, you know you want to taste my delicious creamy center!" I tell you, that Little Debbie can be quite beguiling.

Little Debbie's regular Swiss Rolls have been a best seller for the company since pretty much the dawn of time. In fact, if you look closely at pictures of dinosaurs, you might even see one or two snacking on some. That's not to say our little minx Debbie is afraid to try anything new, however. This year she is offering a new variation with peppermint added to the classic roll.



The rolls are sold in boxes of six, and are individually wrapped.



They are the same size as the classic roll. They also have a thin chocolate-like covering. The coating is fairly flaky, which I actually like. It's on the waxy side, true, but it does taste fairly close to chocolate...but that doesn't matter, because as soon as you take even the smallest bite, the peppermint immediately makes itself known.



The chocolate sponge cake is both on the dry and moist sides at the same time. I know that sounds like a contradiction -- and probably not a very pleasant one at that -- and on a freshly baked cake, it certainly would be unpleasant. But I think in commercial snack products, that's actually the perfect medium. If it were less dry, it would probably be greasy -- yet at the same time it's moist enough that it doesn't send you running for a drink to wash it down.

The creme: Honestly, it's hard to say much about snack cake filling that hasn't already been said. I will hand it to Little Debbie in that the creme filling in these rolls seems to be lighter and more whipped than most such cremes. And in terms of texture, I really liked that. It doesn't seem to have much flavor of its own -- but let's be fair; how often does a commercial creme snack filling?



As for the peppermint, as far as I could tell -- having actually dissected a roll and eaten it layer by layer -- purely for the sake of a thorough review and NOT because that is how I actually like to eat Swiss Rolls. No, dear readers, I do these things just for you. So where was I? Meandering somewhere within a run-on sentence that just lost its way? Oh, yes...

The peppermint, as far as I could tell, seems to live in the chocolatey top layer. It is a very strong peppermint. But it is quite sweet, and it does not burn or taste like medicine. Because it's so potent I suspect that these rolls will be more popular with adults than with kids -- unless they are weird kids, as I was (I always liked my mint bold).

All in all, I really liked this as a snack cake. Personally, I could have lived without the mockolate outer coating...but as stated, it is flaky and easy enough to just brush away if you don't really want it. For this review, I am knocking a couple points off the rating for the use of mockolate over real chocolate. I believe a real chocolate coating would have taken these from merely good to truly great. Meanwhile, the mint flavor is bold, and I love the texture of the cake. Definitely worth a try!



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company

PRICE:
MSRP $1.79 for a box of six rolls.

CALORIES:
210 calories per roll

ADDITONAL INFO:
Contains wheat, eggs, soy, and milk. Peanuts and tree nuts may also be present.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
littledebbie.com

Brach's Assorted Halloween Mellowcremes

Maybe I don't give my parents the credit I should.

As kids, they never deprived us of having candy around the house. They just never had good candy. Inevitably, whatever they bought and stuck in the candy dishes kept around the house was cheap bulk candy that even we as little kids understood might be pretty to look at...but was probably best to avoid actually eating. (The lone exception to this rule was Christmas, when -- unless we were really poor that year -- the Palmer candies came out. That was when we got the really good stuff in the festive holiday wrappers.)

Why do I think this may have been a genius move on their part? We could never complain that we didn't get candy because we always had candy. The candy was just so bad that we never wanted to eat it.



One such treat (?) that would often hang around the old candy bowl until Christmas would be the Brach's Halloween or Autumn Mellowcreme mixes. It has been so long since I actually ate a piece of either mix that I can't really remember what they tasted like. I just remember them being extremely sweet. And since Walgreen's had this smallish bag on sale for a dollar, I thought now was as good a time as any to revisit this mix.

There are four flavors to the bag, and eight different shapes. The shapes are all autumn themed: a bundle of wheat, an ear of corn, a cat, pumpkins (one is carved, one is not), a bat, a jug, and a crescent moon. The shapes have no relation to the flavor, but the colors do. So with that in mind we'll review the flavors by color.


Dark Brown: Chocolatey



This was the flavor I remember us fighting each other to get, simply because it was "chocolate." (OK, it's not, but what did we know?)

Taste-wise it reminds me of a super-sweet Tootsie Roll. It's got a vaguely cocoa-like taste. It's kind of a letdown, because your brain sees something that looks like it should be chocolate flavored, and when it's not it's just disappointing. This flavor also absorbs -- for lack of a better way to explain it -- the flavors of the other pieces, so it becomes sort of like the sloppy seconds of the bag. And that works out about as well as it sounds like it would. Basically, ewwww.





Orange: Candy Corn



Ever notice that there are almost no reviews for candy corn on this site? There is a reason for that. In the interest of full disclosure, I feel the need to admit that I don't especially like candy corn. Other than simply "sugar," candy corn doesn't seem to have any flavor to me. But as we all know, I am often willing to take one for the team, so here I am eating something that's candy corn flavored...



So how does it taste? Like sugar that has been flavored with a little bit of vanillin. If you've ever had a single piece of candy corn in your life, you have had this. And after a couple bites, I have had enough.


Tan: Maple



This one at least has the faintest possible smell of maple. Since it is supposed to be maple flavored, that has to be somewhat of a good sign. I seem to recall these being the least popular of the mix amongst us kids. I think that probably had more to do with maple not exactly being a huge flavor with children, rather than because of the candy itself. But as an adult, I am a huge fan of maple flavored anything. So how did these stand up?



Easily the best in the bag. The maple is not the strongest maple ever put in a candy -- in fact, it's definitely on the timid side -- but I give Brach's points for at least attempting to make it taste like real maple rather than like fake pancake syrup.


Yellow: Banana



This was my favorite as a kid. It is all classic fake banana flavor. Ever had a Circus Peanut? Then you have tasted this. I will give this one points for not having that nasty lingering aftertaste that some banana flavored items can have.



The texture of all the pieces is the same regardless of the flavor or color. Think of a really big, dense piece of candy corn. It's soft, yet a little crumbly. The sugar is a little grainy -- and much like candy corn, these candies seem impervious to the march of time. If these had existed in King Tut's time and he'd had a few bags interred with his mummy, I suspect they'd still be more or less edible.

Overall, I can't say that I will be getting another bag. I probably won't even finish this one. Fondant candy is just not my thing; but even with that said, it's not all that bad. It's just not all that good either.

Be sure to also check out Cybele's Candy Blog review of this mix here. She liked them more than I did.



PURCHASED FROM:
Walgreens

PRICE:
$1.00

CALORIES:
140 calories per 6 pieces of candy.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Packaged on equipment that may contain traces of milk, egg, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, and soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
brachs.com

Necco Sweethearts: New Moon Fire & Ice Special Editions

Here's something that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. As everyone who doesn't live under a rock knows, Eclipse -- the third film entry into the Twilight saga -- comes out on June 30th. And with that in mind, there has actually not been quite the merchandising push prior to its release as there was with New Moon. I am not sure if there won't be as many Eclipse-related items, or if they are just releasing them closer to the actual movie.

Necco has been the chief candy maker for all of the Twilight confections since the first movie. And when I saw these at the store, I found myself wondering if it was a product I'd overlooked around the time of New Moon's release -- and it turns out that it was. The Fire & Ice Sweethearts were apparently introduced at TwiCon last summer (don't get too excited and start making plans to go -- apparently there will be no 2010 events run by TwiCon). In any event, it seems they are back just in time for Eclipse. (In fact, these boxes are dated 2010.)

Unlike the Forbidden Fruits Sweethearts mixes -- which featured three different boxes, each with a different main character on it, but the same candy inside -- the Fire & Ice mixes are completely different.

The boxes have Jacob representing Fire, and Edward representing Ice. Even though the candy is still branded as New Moon, the Fire & Ice comparisons actually come directly from a chapter in Eclipse. How do I even know that? "Gigi!" you might be screaming at your computer, to the horror or amusement of co-workers, family or friends -- "you didn't actually read the books, did you?"

DON'T JUDGE ME, DAMMIT! I decided a few months ago that if I was going to bag on the series relentlessly, I should at least read it and make educated disparaging remarks. I still say I have read better-written pamphlets from the pharmacy -- but yes, I did actually end up liking the story itself. I know, I know...even I am kind of ashamed of myself.

Anyway, let's get to the review before I embarrass myself further. The boxes are marked "1 of 2" and "2 of 2," with Fire being placed first. So that's the order we'll review them in.

Texture-wise, these hearts are the same as every other Necco heart made since the dawn of time. It's pressed dextrose...so there is only so much we can reasonably expect. They are chalky and crumbly when you bite into them; grainy and slow to melt if you hold them on your tongue.

So how did they taste?...


FIRE:



The Jacob-inspired Fire mix consists of two flavors: "Steamy Chocolate" and "Hotter Than Apple Pie." Kind of a weird combo if you ask me (and they didn't), but whatever...

The flavors are supposed to have an "intense surge of heat," according to the box. Also unlike the Forbidden Fruits mix, these hearts are not sparkly -- but that makes sense, as Jacob is a wolf and the sparkling is restricted to the vampires.



Like all other Sweethearts Necco makes, each heart is branded with little words or sayings. Mine said things like "Team Jacob" and "Howl." The printing is just plain unreadable or missing off of most of the pieces.

"Steamy Hot Chocolate": This heart has a flavor that I can best describe as "essence of chocolate syrup." If you have ever been so desperate for a chocolate fix that you hit that bottle of syrup that had been lurking in the fridge for far too long...well, it sort of tastes like that. It's clear that chocolate is the flavor they are aiming for, but it's more like the idea of chocolate than the real thing. It does indeed get a little warm in your mouth. Not sure why, though it's vaguely cinnamony. And it's not all that interesting, let alone intense.



"Hotter Than Apple Pie": You know those horrible cinnamon-apple scents some stores use in their restrooms? Imagine sucking on that. It's mostly a cinnamon taste -- think cinnamon from uncooked instant oatmeal. As for the apple, it's fake, chemical-tasting, but mercifully it's barely noticeable.The only redeeming thing about this flavor was eventually the aftertaste died. (But it took its sweet time.) Absolutely horrible.

I am sincerely hoping for better luck with the Ice mix...



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

PRICE:
$0.99

CALORIES:
160 calories per 40 pieces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Processed in a facility that also processes peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, wheat and soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
necco.com




ICE:



Ice is mascotted by Edward, with his fashionably mussed-up hair and slightly tortured emo gaze. He's sensitive, damn it! And you stonehearted bastards don't care!! (Well, at least he doesn't whine like a certain young Anakin Skywalker we could mention. Yes, folks, I am still bitter about whiny teenage Skywalker from Episode II.) These hearts do sparkle -- like Edward -- and also have nearly unreadable sayings like "Risky" and "Bite me."



The two flavors are "Raspberry Freezeout" and "Lime Frostbite." And the box smells like a convenience store Squishy gone horribly wrong.

"Raspberry Freezeout": Like all modern raspberry flavored items, it's a frosty blue rather than a reddish hue. This one starts off pretty good. For the first few seconds it's like every "blue" squishy on the planet...and then the aftertaste kicks in. I don't know how many old ladies' perfumes they had to swipe to make this flavor, but if Bubbe or Grandma asks for a bottle for her next gift-getting occasion...well, I have a good idea as to why. I actually could not finish an entire heart. Talk about sucking.



"Lime Frostbite": This was hands down the best flavor in the bunch. It tasted as if they'd made candy out of lime "juice" mix. It's a little tangy, a little sweet. It's very artificial, but it still tasted pretty good. These I would actually eat on their own.

This mix is getting a higher rating only because of the lime.



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

PRICE:
$0.99

CALORIES:
160 calories per 40 pieces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Processed in a facility that also processes peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, wheat and soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
necco.com

King Leo Choco-Orange Crisps

First, a big thank you to the good people at Quality Candy for sending out a rather ginormous box of items to review. There are some really interesting items in that box, but all it took were two words to make me decide this would be the first. And those words were: Choco-Orange.

Orange and chocolate -- much like Bert and Ernie -- should never be separated in my mind. These are large squares; each about as big as a bite-sized Kellogg's Mini Wheat. They have an outer orange flavored candy shell and an inner chocolate flavored center. Wait...what was that again? Yes, I said chocolate flavored. That was disappointing right up front. King Leo makes many chocolate products, so I am unsure why they went the mockolate route with this particular candy. OK...be not afraid...



I have to give this candy its due: it has a beautiful outer shell. It's as glossy as enamel, and the stripes are vividly colored. Flavor-wise, it's got a nice and zesty orange tang to it. In fact, it's almost a Creamsicle flavor. The shell would make a perfectly good hard candy all by itself.



Breaking through the shell to the mockolate: in terms of flavor, it actually is rather chocolate-like. There is more of a cocoa flavor (and it does in fact contain cocoa powder) than anything else. It can almost -- and the key word here is "almost" -- pass for low end chocolate. It's the texture that throws it off. It seizes up in your mouth if you let it melt rather than chew it, and it gets grainy once it seizes. But if you simply chew through, you can skip the worst of it and just get the orange/chocolate-like taste.

If this had been made with real chocolate, I would have been blown away because the outer shell is just that good. As it is, the outer shell is still great, but the inner portion is more or less a distraction that I simply muddled through just to eat the shell.

There was great potential here. Sadly, that potential goes unrealized.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company

CALORIES:
60 calories per 3 piece serving.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Made on equipment shared with peanuts, tree nuts, soybeans, milk, eggs, and wheat.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
qcandy.com

Slim-Fast Peanut Butter Crunch Time Snack Bar

I would like to tell you that, like yesterday's review of the Milky Way Simply Caramel bar, this was an envy review on my part based upon all the Slim-Fast reviews that Jim has been doing lately. But no, I am really doing it because I got it for free at my local supermarket.

I have actually used the Slim-Fast line from time to time. I can't say that I've ever lost weight this way, but there was a time when for medical reasons I was stuck with liquids only, and I used the Slim-Fast shakes as meal replacement.

I have had some of their snack line before as well. I didn't love it, but for the most part it's not awful. This bar is part of their new "3-2-1 plan." Honestly, I could have done more research on it...but, I won't be going on it personally, and you all know how to Google.

Peanut Butter Crunch Time is a slim small mockolate-covered bar that has a tightly compressed peanut butter wafer-type center. The whole thing comes in at only 100 calories.



But how does it taste?

Surprisingly, not bad!

The mockolate is just that: mockolate. Yeah, it's sort of chocolate-like. It's a very thin layer, and I think that works to the bar's advantage. There isn't enough of it to really dislike much. I will also give it points for not being oily or throat-burningly sweet.



The peanut butter wafer center's taste and texture were damn near identical to a the center of one of those candy bars Bart Simpson chomps down while reading the latest Radioactive Man. But it's neither as sweet nor as thick. It's nutty and there's sort of a toffeelike butter flavor. It's also a little salty, and I always like salt with my peanut butter.

I was honestly surprised at how good these were. Yes, for the same hundred calories you could have a "Fun Size" version of "the real thing." But I have to say that if you must eat mockolate (Really? Must you?), I preferred Slim-Fast's version. The center was close enough that, apart from the lesser thickness, you may not notice much difference between this bar and a full fat candy bar.



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

Mint Fudge Covered Oreo Cookies (Limited Edition)

Many of you (well, I hope it's many of you) may remember that I loved last year's Old Fashioned Candy Cane Oreo so much that not only did I rave about them in my review, but I also hoarded them and worshipped them at a shrine that would have even the most hardcore Twihard look at me like I was a little crazy.

Sadly, I have not seen the Candy Cane Oreos in my local WalMart, although Twitter follower SherryPys did mention them in a tweet so perhaps they are out there. What I was able to find -- and is widely available, rather than a WalMart exclusive -- is the Mint Fudge Covered Oreos.



There are a couple of major differences here. First, the Candy Cane version was a regular sized 12 ounce packet of Oreos. The Mint Fudge version is a box of 12 cookies, for roughly the same price. This is standard protocol for all of the Fudge Covered line.

Second, in the Candy Cane edition it was the creme center that was mint flavored, leaving the classic cookie wafer "normal". In the case of the Mint Fudge, you may have guessed it: it's the fudge covering that is mint flavored.



OK, so how does it taste?

Like the best Thin Mint cookie you've ever had, that's how.

The fudge is liberally infused with mint flavor -- which is a good thing, because it distracts from the otherwise cheap fudge. The fudge layer is thick enough that it contains the crumbs of the cookies pretty well.



The cookie and the creme filling are both the same as classic Oreos; it is simply the addition of the mint flavored fudge that sets it apart. Part of what makes this so good and so different from say, a Thin Mint, is the quality of the cookie. Love Girl Scout cookies as I do, the chocolate is oily and the actual wafer has an oily aftertaste if you really pay attention to it. (Note that this does not keep me from eating my body weight in them once a year.) But this Oreo has no such issues.

Since the cookies taste so good, the big question for me is how would they hold up to the dunk test. While I don't dunk actual Thin Mints, I do dunk Oreo's. So I bit into the cookie first, because I figured the fudge would act like a little cookie condom and keep the moisture of the milk from making the cookie soggy. And I LOOOOOVE me some soggy Oreos! Unfortunately, in that respect, the fudge coating makes it a fail...because, just as I'd feared, it seals the cookie so well against the milk that dipping it really doesn't do much other than make the outside kinda wet. So have them with milk if you like, but maybe don't bother with the dipping.

Marvo beat me to reviewing these -- be sure to check out his review here.



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

Safeway Select Chocolate Truffle Ice Cream

Sometimes I think I am an ice cream snob.

There are very few times you will see a review of an ice cream (or "frozen dairy product") here that is not a major name brand. It's not that I have anything against store brands on principle -- in fact, I was quite fond of the Publix supermarket's brand of peppermint ice cream. It's just that as someone who is not on the best of terms with lactose (believe it or not, with all the dairy I eat), I want a lot of bang for my buck. And let's face it: most of the time, that means going with the super premium brands.



But doesn't Chocolate Truffle ice cream just sound good? It's a chocolate ice cream base with swirls of milk chocolate sauce and truffle pieces. Yes, it certainly did sound good.

As for the taste...well...



The base ice cream has a pretty decent flavor. It's a mildly cocoa type of Dutch chocolate and it's quite generic. Not strong, not complex, but not bad.

The milk chocolate syrup, in terms of both taste and texture, is exactly as if someone had squirted some Hershey's syrup onto the chocolate ice cream. It adds a stronger hit of chocolate flavor. Again, nothing outstanding, but hey -- even bad chocolate syrup can be pretty good. But if you got a really big blob of it in a spoonful as I did, it did make my throat burn.

The truffle bits? UGH! EPIC FAIL! I don't know what planet these slightly bloomed, oily and cheap tasting hunks of "chocolate flavor coated" monstrosities are considered truffles on -- but I do know I never want to go there. They were so bad I found myself eating around them.

In terms of overall texture this ice cream was almost grainy with ice crystals. It only became smooth once it had melted a bit. It also is not the richest ice cream I have ever had.

Minus the truly Godawful "truffles," it's not that this is the worst ice cream ever; it's just not very good either. It's like an edible version of the definition of mediocre.

You know what? I am an ice cream snob. Deal with it.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

Dreyers/Edy's Fun Flavors Cherry Chocolate Chip

This is another of the Dreyers/Edy's "Fun Flavors" that are classified as a "frozen dairy dessert" rather than as ice cream.



The base of the dessert is a very prissy frou-frou pink. The kind of pink that would thrill my mother if only I would wear it (and I would have to have my mental health checked if I did so on purpose). There's not a lot of taste to it -- it's very slightly cherry, but I think that's more because of the plentiful maraschino cherry pieces than because there is actually a base cherry flavor.



In fact, the Maraschino cherries' biggest downfall in this case may be that there are just too damn many of them. The flavor starts to become medicinal; it's like ice cream flavored with Luden's cough drops. (Actually, not entirely a fair comparison, because Luden's are a pretty spiffy-tasting cough drop.) Like clothes on Hugh Jackman, less really could have been more in this case.

Something I found interesting is that in the title of the product the chips are referred to as "chocolate chips"...but on the actual ingredients list (check out the Dreyer's site here) they are referred to as "chocolaty chips." Cocoa is used in them, but they still appear to be mockolate. That said, for mockolate, they are not bad. There's almost a dark chocolate taste to them. The chips have a nice crunchy snap, there's not really a melt. But, since chips this cold really wouldn't melt much anyway, it's not a distraction.

Although the overall the flavor is OK and the mockolate passable, what does this one in is the texture. I am not sure how to even describe it, except to tell you that it is in some bizarre middle ground where it's not rough enough to be called "gritty," but it's actually almost powdery. How the hell does ice cre -- sorry, "frozen dairy dessert" -- manage to be powdery?! Was it made by Lindsay Lohan? Doesn't powdery ice cre -- ugh,"'frozen dairy dessert" -- violate some obscure law of physics? Someone get Michio Kaku on the phone!

Just like with the Root Beer Float flavor, I can easily see this being a big hit with kids. Let's be honest: kids wouldn't notice the flavor issues, nor even that the chips aren't really chocolate. And I doubt they'd care that the texture was weird, because all they would be thinking is "ICE CREAM!" (even if it's not).

As for me, I won't go back for a second container.




PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

Christopher's Big Cherry

This is my first time trying Christopher's Big Cherry...

Does this mean I have popped my cherry cherry?

Christopher's Big Cherry has apparently been around since the 1940s, but aside from the CVS near me I have never seen them before. The company is based in Los Angeles, and much like many other things in this town, its luscious mounds were fake. Yes, folks, this is a mockolate product. BUT, I will at least give them points for not even claiming that the product is "chocolaty" on the label.



It's not the prettiest candy ever. It kind of looks like a really rough meatball (well, a chocolate-covered meatball). Hiding under the mockolate shell is a deeper layer of mockolate, which is studded with chopped peanuts.



Under that mockolate is a thick creme that is best described as Barbie doll pink in color -- if Barbie's face had gotten slapped raw in a catfight after an all-night bender -- and in the dead center is a glossy maraschino cherry.



Maybe it is just a testament to how pervy my mind can get, but without my immense self-restraint, this review could have been A LOT worse. (I am a 13 year old boy at heart, I swear.) Let's just say they could make a South Park episode about what these candies look like...and undoubtedly Butters would get grounded.

Before it gets too hard for me to continue (that's what she said!), let's get to the taste. The mockolate tasted like a candy version of Cocoa Puffs, and the texture is oddly similar. It's crumbly, and there is no smoothness or hint of a creamy texture. The peanuts add some crunch, but not much in terms of flavor.

The creme...egads! The center is very, very grainy, and the only way to describe it is to say it tastes like sickeningly sweet cherry cough syrup. And not even a name brand cough syrup, at that -- more like one of those horrifying overseas knockoffs they sell at 99-cent stores; the kind that gets pulled from the shelves when they discover it contains recycled transmission fluid. At least the cherry itself was moist, and...well, let's face it, it's hard to screw up a maraschino cherry.

I love chocolate-covered cherries, so for this to go so horribly wrong was a shame to me. I wonder if anyone who has sampled them over the years can tell us if they have changed, or is this the way they have always tasted? I would be interested to know if this is the sad case of an old classic stripped of all its former glory.



PURCHASED FROM:
CVS