Taco Bell: Classic Margarita Frutista Freeze

Yes folks, we may have hit a new low as a society. Did you know that they are now serving faux-Margaritas at Taco Bell?

Let's all be brutally honest. For the most part, there are really only two reasons that people eat at Taco Bell:

1. You are poor, and you can get an absurd amount of food on the cheap.

-AND-

2. You are really stoned or drunk (or both) and it just sounds like a really good idea. (And there are always the times when you are simultaneously poor, stoned, and/or drunk...and again, damned if Taco Bell just doesn't sound good).

I admit it: the only times I eat there are when I am either too poor to afford anything else, or I am drunk and it sounds good (someone else drives, I assure you).

It stands to reason that if you are eating there because it's so cheap, you probably cannot afford to buy the ingredients to mix a real margarita for yourself, nor to go to the bar for one. And why should a little thing like money keep you from the limey goodness of a margarita? Well, once again, Taco Bell has your back. Yes, I realize that there may be adults out there that just want the flavor without the alcohol. But jokes aside, I have a feeling that these drinks will appeal more to 14-year-old girls who order them because it makes them feel sophisticated.

Cost issues notwithstanding, I have to admit that my inner mixologist -- the snooty side of me who is a cocktail snob, and thinks that cocktails or even mocktails should only be made with freshly squeezed juices from actual fruit and not little plastic fruit shaped bottles -- is somewhat horrified at this whole concept. Oh, how I would love to be Audrey Saunders when I grow up...

However, the actual working bartender in me is nudging the mixologist part of me aside with the pointy swizzle stick of reality. Do you love any of the myriad flavored margaritas that are so popular with aging suburban women who like to fancy themselves part of a Sex and The City-style ensemble of friends? (I call those drinks Momgaritas, BTW.) If so, the fact is that you are 99% assured of drinking something that relies heavily on batches of flavored base. Those bases may taste like fruit juices, but they usually aren't. And in the case of virgin margaritas, unless the bar cuts the drink with a bit of lemonade or soda (which I am firmly against), all you are getting is a pre-made sour mix either frozen or over ice. Some places even use the same brands you can buy in the supermarket. So unless your neighborhood bar is owned and operated by dedicated cocktail purists, this prefab stuff is what you're going to get. And as far as the chains go...well, let's put it this way: Your local TGI McFunster's ain't run by cocktail purists. Period. None of the chains ever are.

Anyway...my point to all of this is that even for Taco Bell, it should be pretty hard to screw up a virgin margarita.



So, will I be wasting the day away in Tacobellritaville, sucking down faux-ritas while regretting the three gorditas I probably ate alongside? Erm...probably not.

First off, the color is weird. It's a rather bizarre shade of peachy-green. I could have understood dirty ice, or plain green, or even yellowish green. But peachy? The hell...?

And then there's the flavor. It's like the industrial chemical love child of a lime Otter Pop and floor cleaner. There is nothing remotely margaritalike about it except that it's (unpleasantly) lime flavored. Need I remind you again how hard to is to screw up a virgin margarita? You literally could go to the store, buy the cheapest bottle of sour mix, toss it over some ice in a glass rimmed with table salt, and it would still taste more like a "real" margarita than this did.



Hell, even as a limeade it never really gets past "meh" level.

Is it the worst thing on the Taco Bell menu? No, but it's not good either. Taco Bell also offers a Strawberry Margarita -- and the only difference is that the strawberry version features the strawberry puree-type topping they use on all of the strawberry Frutistas. I skipped it.

I should have skipped this, too.



PURCHASED FROM:
Taco Bell

PRICE:
$1.99

CALORIES:
454 Calories for 16 ounces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Does not contain alcohol or fruit juice.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
tacobell.com

Pomx Iced Coffee: Chocolate

I have yet to meet a Pom drink that I haven't liked. And I had been meaning to try the Pomx Iced Coffee forever and a day, but I just never got around to it. Well, now I have. And that has proven to be a beautiful thing.

Pomx Iced Coffee doesn't actually contain any pomegranates, nor does it taste like pom juice or tea, but it does contain PomX: a polyphenol antioxidant that Pom has developed that has various high concentrations of things like flavonoids, tannins, ellagic acid and love. Okay, I made the love part up. But I am sure the good people at Pom at least like you as a friend.

So, amazing health benefits, warm and fuzzy feelings and incredibly cute packaging aside...

Let's talk about what's important: the taste.



Looking at the drink in a glass, I have to admit it looks a lot more like Yoohoo than a bottled Frappucino. It's milky chocolate brown and has a thinner texture that is, again, closer to Yoohoo than to a dairy based drink. But the coffee does contain milk that is both nonfat and rBGH free.

The initial taste reminded me of homemade chocolate milk made with A LOT of chocolate syrup (as far as I am concerned you know you've made a good glass when there is a half inch of chocolate sludge on the bottom). The coffee (Arabica beans) definitely takes a back seat to the chocolate. You can taste it at its strongest point right when the chocolate notes die down. I'd go almost as far to say that if you didn't know it was supposed to be there, you might not notice it was supposed to be coffee. But I like the fact that there is no bitterness and at the same time it's not overly sweet. If you're looking for an iced coffee drink that has a really strong coffee flavor, this one may not be your first choice.

But you would be missing out, because the chocolate is really good.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample From Company

McDonalds McCafe Caramel Latte

McDonald's recently started a nationwide launch of they're McCafe coffeehouse style coffee's
In my area in the last month or so the local McDonald's have been doing a serious push, even offering times when they are sampling the coffee's.
I have somehow managed to avoid each of this events- mostly because I work an obscene amount of hours. I also can't do caffeine after 4:00 P.M. or so and the McCafe line is not available in decaf.
The other reason is I have never been a fan of McDonald's coffee. I prefer my coffee to be roasted so deep it could be considered burnt (which is one of the reasons I love Starbucks) and I always felt that McCoffee was weaker then I liked. But, even with that said I could not resist the urge to have a whole new set of items to review soooo...

Since it was something to the tune of 20 degree's hotter then normal here in Southern California I decided to start my McOdyssey with the Iced Caramel Latte. I was not smart enough to take a few photo's but I assure you that it looked just like the stock photo.

I ordered a large and I was presented with a huge 32 oz's of iced coffee. On outside appearances if I hadn't know for a fact I ordered the caramel latte there was no way to guess it was anything beyond plain iced coffee. There is no whipped topping and no visible caramel swirl. I could live with that, I personally have to be in the mood for whipped cream on my coffee- and on a super hot day such as today I would have opted out anyway. Just like in the picture it is pretty light from the amount of dairy already in the drink anyway.

Flavor.
In the first few sips what really stood out was the caramel flavor. It was the type of caramel flavor that is super fake. Sweet to the point it is cloying. I gave the coffee a good stir but it didn't matter. What's interesting though is that as the ice melts and the coffee gets more diluted the caramel seems to taste better, it gets less sweet, a little more buttery. Perhaps that's a sign that they used too much syrup in this drink- or maybe the chemical's just get spread farther.
The coffee it's self is still what I consider weak. It's diner coffee on a good day- but it's not bad. It's not the deepest roasted or the most complex coffee you will ever have but it is satisfying. Not bitter and even though there is a large amount of milk (and that caramel) to compete with it holds it's own. I think I would actually really like just the plain iced coffee.

Truthfully I would never pick this over an Iced Latte from Starbucks but it was pretty good. I do have to say it is a fantastic bargain ringing in at barely over $2.00 for 32 ounces.



PURCHASED FROM:
McDonalds

Jack In The Box Egg Nog Shake

It may be time for an egg nog intervention
During the holiday season I consume more then my fair share.

I have to say I was really pleasantly surprised at how good this shake is. Jack shakes seem to be really good or really blah. The flavor on this one is a nice strong egg nog, lots of nutmeg, a little cardamon even. It's thick and creamy (thank you Jack for using real ice cream) and it doesn't have that chemical aftertaste that some egg nog flavored items can get.

Best Jack shake in a long time!

PURCHASED FROM:
Jack In The Box

Starbucks Vivanno- Chocolate Banana

I am starting to think this is one of those weeks where maybe I shouldn't try anything new...
Starbucks recently launched the Vivanno line- basically that translates into spiffy smoothies. They come in two flavors Chocolate Banana (the one I tried) and Orange Mango Banana.

Personally, the Vivanno reminded me more of a meal replacement shake then a proper smoothie. The chocolate banana was chaulky because of the whey powder that is used to make the drink. The chocolate it self tastes ok. It reminded me more of cocoa powder then say chocolate milk or even just chocolate syrup. The banana portion is just bad. It's not that chemical banana doesn't appeal (a peel?) to me but...

Stick with the coffee!!

Starbucks Mint Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino® blended creme with Chocolate Whipped Cream

That may be my longest title ever!
Do I even have to mention my addiction to the 'Bucks?
I normally don't order the Creme Frappuccino's. To be honest I don't like them as a rule. First off they contain no coffee- and to me not getting coffee at Starbucks is like going to Disneyland and not going on any rides. Sure you can do it but...

So anyway, like I said I would normally not order the Creme Frappucchino, but the barista made it sound so good I couldn't resist. According to her the drink would taste almost exactly like mint chocolate chip ice cream.
And she was right! it really does taste like mint chocolate chip ice cream!
There are little slivers of shaved chocolate floating in the drink. Hands down the best part is the chocolate whipped cream. It was rich, but not too sweet. The chocolate flavor was deep and cocoa like.

This was a fun dessert-type treat. I plan on trying the coffee version soon!

Dasani Plus- Calm & Relax Water

Dasani has added a fourth flavor to the plus Line!
I have tried all three of the original flavors and liked all of them enough to purchase them again (I still like the Pom/Blackberry best) so I was happy to see a new flavor out there.

The new water is a lemon lime that is supposed to calm and relax. And has extra vitamins E, B6 and Magnesium. I have been under a lot of stress lately and am up for trying anything that will help me chill out (OK almost anything). I also happen to like lemon lime so I figured it would be win-win.

The first thing that turned me off to be honest was the color. The water is a shade of yellow that to say it bluntly reminded me of urine. It's not bright enough to make me think of say a super sugary kids drink. And it's not clear enough to make me think of water with a fresh squirt of lemon or lime.

That lovely visual aside, let's move on to smell. It smells EXACTLY like a lime Otter Pop- you know those tubes of somewhat fruit flavored sugar that you freeze yourself. Not a bad smell. It's the kind of sweet smell that you know will be followed by an artificial flavor.

And the water does not disappoint, well actually it does. The flavor is a lot like one of those Otter Pops if you were to drink it unfrozen right from the tube. It's lemon lime in the fakest way possible. I don't get it, it's not like Coke doesn't make their share of lemon lime flavored products why did this one turn out so badly?
I kept drinking it, hoping that with each sip the flavor would grow on me. But alas, it never did.

The other three flavors are all pretty darn good but I will not be going back for seconds on this one.


PURCHASED FROM:
Target

A & W Float

Because actually scooping ice cream into root beer can just take too long some times!

I never really thought that actually making a root beer float was such a production that it merited a ready made version but someone some where did and now the world has this drink.

The smell of the drink is sort of like root beer and vanilla frosting, it's actually a rather pleasant smell.

The "ice cream" portion of the drink comes via skim milk and cream, it does create a somewhat dairy like taste but it more like the kind you get out of say a can of Slim Fast or Ensure. The mouth feel is creamy though with just the barest amount of carbonation possible to not be considered flat.

So what does it taste like?:
If a root beer hard candy and a Cream Saver had a baby it tastes like a liquid version of that. As a root beer drink it's not bad. Personally it is too sweet for my taste but I would drink one from time to time. It does have the chemical aftertaste from hell though. 15 minutes after the fact and it has not died down yet.

There is no comparing this to a real root beer float. All the best parts of the float experience are missing. There is none of that great 'crust' that forms between the root beer and the ice cream. No little islands of unmelted ice cream. None of the fun of licking off the foam from the top. No, great idea but I think I am going to stick to the old school version!

PURCHASED FROM:
Publix Supermarket

Starbucks Raspberry Mocha Frappucchino

I am having a hard time remembering if this is a relaunched flavor or not but if it is I had never had it until today...

...And to be honest I could have easily lived the rest of my life that way.
I have a love/hate relationship with the Frappuccino. Every great once and awhile I get an itch that can only be soothed by the sticky, creamy, sweetness that is a Venti, upside down Caramel Frappuccino with a shot of vanilla. To be honest if that happens once every two years that is a lot. I prefer hot to iced coffee and that much dairy does cause some Shatner like bloating.

But kids I will try anything in the name of a good review. Lactaid firmly in hand I took a gooey, whip cream full sip (hey if you are going to go this far you may as well have the whip cream!)

The verdict:
Not bad, but not good either. mediocre at best. It's not the mocha (that was the standard issue mocha), it wasn't the texture or consistency. It was "raspberry" flavor. it was like they had gotten a hold of a vat of that cheap fake raspberry filling that cheap Mega Mart bakery's use on they're mass produced layer cakes- then they used that in the drink. I am sure they are using at least a decent quality syrup but it just does not do this drink justice.
That said I am willing to bet that it would not be as cloying in a hot drink.

I still love the 'Bucks but I won't be spending any of mine on another of the Raspberry Frapps.