Pepsi Next

Pepsi's new soda for 2012 -- Pepsi Next -- actually makes me feel like I'm time traveling back to roughly 2004; way back in the earlyish days of the turn of the century. (And now I am making us all feel old...sorry.) Back then both Pepsi and Coke debuted products that were not quite "diet" colas, yet not quite full calorie colas either. Remember those? Their lack of specific gender, if you will, made them strangely androgynous and hermaphroditic in a way -- kind of like what Justin Bieber would be if he were a beverage.

Well, the Pepsi Edge of yesteryear has evolved to become this decade's Pepsi Next. Pepsi Edge had 70 calories per can (or 12 ounces). and was sweetened with a blend of high fructose corn syrup and Sucralose. Its "benefit" was that it was supposed to taste more like regular Pepsi while not having all of the calories and carbs of the regular version. Pepsi Edge was discontinued in 2005 (as was Coke's competing soda, C2 -- and later that year both Pepsi Max and Coke Zero were launched, and are still going strong today). Apparently, sales were sluggish, and the most common comment I remember hearing at the time was "If I wanted a diet soda I would just drink one."

Anyway, here we are in 2012 with Pepsi Next. It has 60 calories per can (or 12 ounces) and has what could be a boy band worth of sweeteners -- four total. HFCS, Sucralose, Aspartame & acesulfame potassium are all combined in the hopes of making it taste more like a full calorie soda, but with less calories and carbs.

At least as far as the numbers go, it succeeds. A 12 ounce serving of regular Pepsi has 150 calories and 41 grams of carbs. The issue is -- how many people will this really appeal to? I am admittedly a diet soda drinker (and when I drink regular Pepsi, it is the Pepsi Throwback...sooo worth the calories!), so I don't mind the flavor of diet sodas. But I have noticed that my friends who only drink "regular" tend to dislike the artificial flavor that sweeteners give. If it gets past the "why?" factor, it will of course be the taste that makes or breaks it.

So how does Pepsi Next taste?



It does seem to have a cola taste that is closer to regular Pepsi than Diet Pepsi. (I haven't had Pepsi Max in so long I can't remember it sizes up). There is also a distinct lemony note, even though no such thing is listed on the label. It's more noticeable than that of Pepsi/Diet Pepsi as a rule, but not as strong a lemon as Pepsi Twist had. (And where can I sign a petition to bring that back?!) On one hand, I like the idea of a lemony cola. What I don't like here is that the lemon note is pleasant at first, and then dissolves into a nasty chemical aftertaste.



The carbonation is also dialed down. (It does make an impressive head when poured into a glass, but that head collapses in literally three seconds.) I know a lot of people will like that, because it makes it easier to guzzle without thunderous elephantine belching like I imagine Kim Kardashian does when the cameras are turned off. (Cease and Desist letter in 3...2...1...) For me this is neither a breaking nor a selling point. It's not a bad soda; it just doesn't rock my world. I could be wrong, but I'll give this a year, tops, on the shelf. I just don't see there being enough of a market for a half-cal option. Personally, I would rather just have a smaller portion of Pepsi Throwback.

Be sure to check out these reviews from The Impulsive Buy and Grub Grade.



PURCHASED FROM: CVS

PRICE: $1.25

CALORIES: 100 calories per 20 ounce bottle.

ADDITIONAL INFO: Contains phenylalanine.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE: pepsiusa.com

Dole Shakers: Mixed Berry Smoothie

I have to admit that I'm the first one to say I don't especially like smoothies. I like the idea of smoothies, but basically it stops there. Of course, as I also feel the need to say for around the four millionth time, I am currently stuck with soft foods only. And since I need to eat/drink things other than just ice cream (oh, don't I wish that could be a full diet!), I have to keep looking for new things. Hence...

The Dole Shakers in Mixed Berry. The Shakers are cool in that you don't need to pull out a blender. (Very helpful if you don't own a blender to start with.) You simply add the juice of your choice--the label suggests apple, orange, or don't-listen-to-us-use-whatever-the-hell-you-want. All right, I made that last part up; they used the far less witty "or your favorite juice." But let's actually follow the instructions in "real time" and disregard my need to ignore authority (AKA I do not feel like repeating myself).

So, first you open the cap. Then you're supposed to shake or break up the contents before adding the juice. Inside the container you will find frozen yogurt pellets and red chunks that I assume are the fruit...that, or the yogurt has Ebola Zaire. Either way, it's not pretty to look at (not that this matters).



Now that things have been loosened up, in comes the juice. I used orange juice because it was what I had on hand. You are supposed to add enough juice to reach the handy-dandy little window in the cup (helpfully shown below).



Next up is the "vigorous shaking for 30-45 seconds."

LIARS! PANTS NOT ONLY ON FIRE, BUT HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE AND SHOULD BE BURIED DEEP BENEATH THE NEVADA DESERT FOR THE NEXT 75,000 YEARS! YES, CAPS LOCK AND MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS NECESSARY HERE, SO SHUDDUP!!!!!

All right, maybe that was a little harsh, but I am grumpy and the above instructions were an epic fail. You see, despite the pre-juice-addition break up, it took more than five full minutes of vigorous shaking to get things fully mixed. (Yes, I did time it.) A decent aerobic workout undoubtedly, but hardly what the instructions indicated. To be fair, I am willing to admit that maybe my smoothie had partially defrosted on the way home from the supermarket and thus turned into something a little more solid than intended upon being re-frozen at home. Entirely possible. But the recommended 30 to 45 seconds just didn't begin to cut it, and I suspect they wouldn't have in any case.

Eventually, after the aforementioned workout, it did thicken up/mix properly and was ready to be put into a glass for your viewing pleasure:



Looks kinda like pink faux-marble, doesn't it? Like that stuff they make bathroom countertops in Florida retirement communities out of, only in liquid form. In any case, the smell was pleasant--just like strawberry yogurt. And regardless of my complaints on the mixing time, I do have to give it points for being pretty darn close to the thickness of a real juice shop smoothie. It was a just a little thinner than a professionally made one...but that was a selling point for me, as I prefer a thinner smoothie anyway.



So how did it taste?

Well, I liked the tangy zing of the yogurt. What I wasn't loving was the berries. Maybe OJ wasn't the best choice to use for a mixed berry smoothie, but it was all I had on hand. (And the label did suggest it, so...) The OJ quickly became the strongest flavor and drowned out the berries until they were merely an aftertaste. Still okay, mind -- but not what I was expecting.

Honestly, this smoothie was better than what I was expecting, and I think that with a different juice it could have actually tasted like berries. I may retry it using a cranberry or cranberry juice blend just to test that theory. (If anyone out there has tried that, what did you think?)

Not bad overall. Just expect to do a lot more shaking than the label tells you.



PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

PRICE:
$1.99

CALORIES:
100 calories for the contents alone; 190 calories for the contents plus 6.5 oz of orange juice.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Made on equipment shared with products containing eggs, wheat & soy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
dole.com

365: Cherry Vanilla Creme Soda

I admit that I tend to not go too far off the mainstream, well-beaten path for soda that I drink in my normal day to day life. This is mostly because, apart from review purposes, I just don't drink much soda to start with -- and when I do, I have two staples that I prefer not to stray from.

That said, I occasionally like a little variety tossed in. And when I can actually get to a Whole Foods, I really like this particular soda.

365 is Whole Foods' house brand, and they make pretty much everything you can think of. I first tried the Cherry Vanilla Creme because I was hoping that it would taste like the Hansen's Cherry Vanilla Creme soda. There are very few companies out there that are on my banned list and sadly, Hansen's is one of them. But I will be honest here: I really liked and still miss drinking their Cherry Vanilla Creme. I realize that Whole Foods does not actually produce the soda themselves, and that Hansen's very well could be making this product for them under contract, but really...there is only so far I can go, and dammit, I want my freaking soda!



Okay, before I start to sound too much like Charlie Sheen, how did the soda actually taste?

Really good, actually! The balance is heavy on the cherry side, with the vanilla rounding out the aftertaste. The cherry tastes sort of like a cross between maraschino cherries and a Luden's cough drop -- but the vanilla keeps it from picking up that medicinal aftertaste that cherry flavored items lean towards.

The vanilla really is more of an aftertaste then a full partner. But I think that works well in this case. I am a fan of cream (or "creme") soda in general, so it is kind of hard for vanilla to go wrong for me. I wouldn't mind if the vanilla were stronger, but it is so good that I am happy with it just as is.

The carbonation is on the low side. But we all know I prefer my soda gently bubbly (which sounds prettier than saying "flat"), so again, this is a selling point for me.



And the extra cherry on top of everything else is that the drink is sweetened with real cane sugar! Yes, this does push it into the realm of full-calorie soda (I am a diet soda drinker as a rule) but if you are going to go with full-calorie soda, real sugar is the way! It manages to be sweet but not too sweet -- and because it's real sugar, there is no cloying HFCS aftertaste.

I love this soda. I even like the spare look of the can. It's plain and clean, it's not flashy, and it doesn't need to be because the insides are so good!

One of my favorite soda treats. If there's a Whole Foods near you, do not miss this one.



PURCHASED FROM:
Whole Foods

PRICE:
$2.99 a six pack

CALORIES:
180 calories per can (12 fluid ounces)

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Sodium free, caffeine free, preservative free, real cane sugar!

OFFICIAL WEBSITE
wholefoodsmarket.com

MASH: Grapefruit Citrus Zing

Yes, I love New York. I think everyone who reads this blog knows that very well. But one of the few things that I hate about New York is that sooner or later, small neighborhood stores that I have loved going to, visit after visit, almost always end up changing from cute little independent local spots to just another national chain outlet that I can easily go to at home.

That's sort of what happened to my favorite little bodega (mini-mart to the rest of us). Honestly, the service had been bad, the prices were kind of high, and the food tended to be out of code...but what they did have going for them had been the Universe's biggest selection of Snapple (as well as many other soft drinks, both popular and obscure). I could always find something interesting there. Well, times have changed since my last visit, and the location is now a rather generic cafe/sandwich place. The sandwiches aren't bad and the staff is a heck of a lot nicer, so it's not a complete loss. But sadly gone is the amazing drink selection.

They did, however, have the MASH line, which I have never seen before.

MASH, according to the bottle blurb, is meant for everyone. It's not a soda nor is it 100% juice. And it also boasts of being a low calorie option. Yeah, we are going to get to all of that in a second...

Anyway, I happen to like grapefruit juice -- or even grapefruit soda -- so I thought I would start there.



The drink is only very lightly carbonated, which I really liked. It's pretty much a known fact to long time readers, but I will repeat myself: I am one of those people who like my carbonated beverages on the slightly flat side, so whenever something is already going easy on the bubbles that works for me.

The grapefruit flavor comes across as very natural. It's got just a slight bitter edge with no aftertaste. If you've ever eaten a really ripe, fresh pink grapefruit and sprinkled it with sugar, and then drank the juice that stays in the rind...well it tasted pretty close to that. It is a sweetened drink ,but it uses sucralose (AKA Splenda) as the sweetener rather than HFSC or even regular sugar. Personally, I can live with that, as I am one of those people that don't mind or notice the taste of Splenda/sucralose (it's my sweetener of choice for coffee, actually).

I liked the body of it. It wasn't as thick and filling as a juice, and yet it was as sweet and as bubbly as a (somewhat flat) soda. I actually went through several of these over the course of my stay. New favorite grapefruit beverage, hands down!



Remember I said we could get back to a couple things that bothered me? Well, here goes: The first thing being that the label says it's not soda, but it's not 100% juice either. Actually, the label calls it a "water drink." Well, a water drink that uses sparkling water (AKA carbonated water...gee, kinda like SODA!). Interesting choice of words there. While I certainly wouldn't exactly call it a soda, considering that it contains only one per cent actual juice, I think they were creatively dressing the proportions. After all, soda as a soft drink choice is starting to go down the same dark, scary back alley that trans-fats and other delicious but questionably beneficial items go to flash their wares while hiding from the fuzz.

This also extends to the calorie count. I understand that at the moment there is a lot of pressure on manufacturers to make everything as low-cal as possible (because we certainly can't expect people to just, ya know, be responsible for their own portion control) and the bottle boasts that the drink is a mere 40 calories a serving! Problem is, the bottle is 20 ounces, and the serving is considered to be 8 oounes...so there are 2.5 servings per bottle. Now, really -- how many people are going to actually pour out the precise 8 ounce serving? Yes, I realize a small percentage will. But let's be honest; most people are just downing the entire bottle. Would it really be that horrible a sin to list the true calorie count of 100 calories for the entire bottle? 100 calories as to compared to your average soft drink is still pretty damn good!

I'm not basing the rating on anything other than the flavor -- but clearly I am annoyed by the trend of creatively wording the blurb and manipulating the serving size to keep the food police happy. A pox upon both or however many houses they have!



PURCHASED FROM:
94 Corner Cafe (94th & Broadway, New York City)

PRICE:
$1.99

CALORIES:
40 Calories per 8 oz. (or 100 for the entire bottle)

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Kosher, sweetened with sucralose

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
drinkmash.com

Broguiere's Egg Nog

It's not often that I dedicate a review -- but with this one, I have to give a special shout out to Doug who runs the the O.K. Corral Ostrich Farm. You might have seen Doug on Dirty Jobs or Modern Marvels. Or perhaps you've even been lucky enough to try some of his ostrich meat or eggs. The reason this review this is dedicated to Doug is because he and I have been email pals for about the last year, and one of the things we've talked about a lot is our shared love of Broguiere's products.

Anyway, I have been looking forward to trying this since last year when Doug -- along with many other readers, as well as literally hundreds of online mini-reviews -- proclaimed Broguiere's to be quite possibly the best egg nog in the world. Really, how could I possibly not want to try that? Unfortunately for me, by the time I decided to, it was so late in the season that there was simply no more of the egg nog on the shelves. Broguiere's only produces egg nog for a brief, seasonal production run each year...and when its gone for the year, it's gone. In my area there are few stores that even carry it. I also live 34 miles from the location of their own drive-thru store; which, with Southern California traffic, is more than just a bit of a nuisance. However, if you are close to Montebello, California (in the greater Los Angeles area) it is possible to get it directly from them in greater quantities than you can from a typical retail location.



As with all of Broguiere's products, it comes in an old fashioned heavy glass bottle. The color of the nog is a rich buttery yellow, with little specks of spice sprinkled throughout. And before you even take a sip, you can see it's easily twice as thick as any other egg nog you're likely to have tried.

Tastewise, it lives up to every single bit of hype. It's extremely creamy, and like all the other Broguiere's products that I have tried, it leaves the same fatty, rich film in your mouth that a premium ice cream does. There are notes of vanilla and nutmeg. Maybe a touch of cinnamon too. But what it really tasted like to me was a super quality butterscotch. I'll bet a touch of dark rum added to this nog would make a fantastic adult treat -- but even drunk straight from its 1950's Leave it to Beaver-looking bottle, it's sinfully good.



I think even if you've been a horrible brat throughout the year, if you leave this for Santa, you could bribe your way into getting that new Wii.

Bottom line -- this is simply the Best Egg Nog EVER! It's even better than the Southern Comfort egg nogs I reviewed last year, and make no mistake, I still love those too.

Plagiarizing from myself here, but...I know that for those of you outside of Southern California, this review may be something of a tease. But you ought to search out local dairies in your own area that sell products like this. The difference between this and the highly processed stuff you're probably used to drinking is amazing, and worth whatever it takes to hunt it down.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

PRICE:
$5.39 per quart bottle (price includes $2 bottle deposit, which is refundable when empty bottle is returned).

ADDITIONAL INFO:
None on the bottle, but the cap advises you to call (323) 726-0524 for nutritional info.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
Talk about old school...if they have a web site, I couldn't find it. But they do have a Yelp page here, most of whose reviews are even droolier than mine.

Sierra Mist Natural

I may be a diehard Coke drinker, but I really have to give Pepsi props for their continuing use of real sugar over HFCS in special editions of their products.

Sierra Mist is a relatively new member of the Pepsi family, having been launched in 1999 (to replace lemon-lime Slice) and gone national in 2003 or so. With that in mind, since there was never a version made with sugar, it was clear that they couldn't call this part of the Throwback line. Instead, it is joining Pepsi Natural as a new Natural edition. And let's be honest: the very name "Sierra Mist" already sort of conjures up a kind of crunchy, hippie vibe for me anyway.

I should also be honest, that while I looooooooove the Sierra Mist Diet Ruby Splash, I have never been a huge fan of the original Sierra Mist. For me it's been because the carbonation has always seemed on the flat side -- which I normally like, but in this case it does nothing for me. The lemon-lime flavor seems a bit diluted, and I tend to think there's a funky aftertaste. Sorry guys, but I prefer the stronger, more carbonated Sprite Zero, or even regular HFCS sweetened Sprite better. But how could I resist giving Sierra Mist a second chance when it was made with real sugar?



So how did it taste?

Well, better than hippie bathwater, I will give it that...

Okay, seriously though, all the things I already did not love about the "old" Sierra Mist are still present and accounted for in the Natural version. The lemon-lime flavor is still more muted than I prefer it to be -- but I do have to give it credit at the same time for tasting cleaner and crisper than its HFCS-sweetened sibling. Had it just been stronger, I would have really liked it.

The carbonation is beyond light. When you pour the soda it does foam up, but almost immediately the bubbles die down and the carbonation level drops to almost nonexistent.



I will also give points to the Natural version for managing to do away with the funky aftertaste that I think the "normal" version has -- although I am pretty sure that aftertaste was caused by the HFCS to begin with.

All in all, as much as I applaud the use of actual sugar, I still can't say I am a fan of Sierra Mist...although if I had to drink it, this is the version I would pick.

Be sure to also check out BevReview's take -- which is chock full of info on changes being made to the Sierra Mist line, plus news on the return of the seasonal Cranberry Lime flavor.



PURCHASED FROM:
Target

PRICE
$1.00

CALORIES:
100 calories per 8 ounces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Caffeine free. No artificial ingredients, colors, flavors or preservatives.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE
sierramist.com

Ferrero Pocket Espresso To Go

One of the many perks of having both a food review blog and friends who travel, is that said friends are often nice enough to bring back foreign treats for me to review.

My friend Jess, for example, recently got back from an amazing month of studying art in Italy. (Jess will someday be a famous artist -- and when she is, I will be able to brag that she once brought me candy.) While she didn't jump at the chance to put me in her suitcase and smuggle my lame passportless butt out of the country, she did very generously bring me back some tasty offerings.



One of those goodies was this package of Ferrero Pocket Espresso To Go.

Now, I am already a fan of Ferrero Pocket Coffee candies (as opposed to these little mini-drinks). I've never done a review of those myself, but I love them. Cybele did both a review and an "Eat With Your Eyes" post, which you can see here and here.

Anyway, Jess -- being the cool person that she is -- saw these and thought of me.

Both Pocket treats are espresso based and both contain dark chocolate. Where they differ is that while Pocket Coffee is a liquid-filled candy, Pocket Espresso is actually all liquid and is meant to be drunk via the universe's cutest, tiniest straw!



Basically, Pocket Espresso is the world's tiniest coffee pod/juice box type product. Think of those little plastic packets in any diner or fast food joint that contain condiments, and you've got the size and shape. There's no denying that I love this product based on its packaging alone...but as we all know, the really important question this is: how does it taste?

I can understand why the pods are so tiny -- it's a small package, but it packs a BIG caffeine punch! The texture of the liquid is somewhere between actual espresso and chocolate syrup. It's not as thick as syrup, but not at the same time it's not as thin as coffee.



Tastewise: Again, that same comparison works pretty well. It's got that deep, dark roasted flavor that, while not as complex as a good espresso, is as good as one could ever hope that a coffee-flavored candy would get. Complementing the coffee is dark chocolate. It's a little woodsy, and not terribly sweet.

Let me tell you, these things may sound kind of odd but they were really good. I think the portion was perfect -- if it was any bigger, you'd probably be bouncing off the wall. If I had more of these, I would have liked to have tried chilling one (although I wonder if it would have caused it to thicken too much to suck out through the straw). And I think it would be killer poured over ice cream.

Like most things Italian, I have to say this was pretty awesome! (OK, I will grant you I am biased to all things Italian.)



PURCHASED FROM:
Gift from my super cool friend Jess.

CALORIES:
47 calories per pod.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Does not appear to be available in the United States...but who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and find it at an import shop. As the label is entirely in Italian and my Italian sucks, I am unsure if this contains any possible allergens.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
ferrero.com

Dr. Pepper with Real Sugar: Limited 125th Anniversary Edition

I first read about Heritage Dr. Pepper back in January when Steve over at Bev Review reviewed it (click the link to check out his take). Sadly, that version never made its way out to my neck of the desert, because Heritage Dr. Pepper was limited to areas where Dr. Pepper is bottled under license by Pepsi.

But now, for those of us living in places where Coca-Cola manufactures Dr. Pepper, it's our turn to gloat...because just in time for the Dr. Pepper's 125th birthday, we are being treated to some old school Dr. Pepper made with -- as the packaging loudly and proudly proclaims -- real sugar instead of the dreaded HFCS. And I found twelve packs for sale at my local Vons supermarket, so of course I had to pick one up.

The exterior packing is all the same, but inside you have the chance at getting one of six different vintage Dr. Pepper can designs (check out Steve's latest post here to see them all).

Unlike Coke and Pepsi, which were staples in my house as a kid, neither of my parents were Dr. Pepper fans, so we seldom had it at home. In fact, if I ever even had a Dr. Pepper back in its pre-HFCS days, I have no memory of it. Even as an adult I rarely drink it. And when I do drink soda for non-review purposes, I drink diet. My brother, on the other hand, loves Dr. Pepper and always has some in his fridge -- so I snagged one of his, solely so that I would have something to compare the "Real Sugar" version to. (I would normally never dream of snatching one of my brother's cold sodas. No, not me. Seriously.)



So how is it?

Well, just as with standard Dr. Pepper, the flavor is almost undefinable. It's something like cherry cola -- but not, as there are also some root beer notes. I also noticed that without the syrupy sting the HFCS gives to the "normal" version, more of the fruit notes come out. Berries in particular...but what berry? Is it raspberry? Blackberry? Maybe even strawberry? Beyond simply "berry," I don't know what to tell you, but it's there. Along with maybe a hint of vanilla and possibly even chocolate.

It's not that it tastes radically different from its "normal" counterpart. It just tastes...well, I guess cleaner is a good word. It is also much less strongly carbonated; and I think the fact that it's flatter lets you get more flavor out of it, as well.



This is, not surprisingly, a limited edition product. So if you're a fan and you see it somewhere, buy it and stock up now. I can't say I'll be hoarding this the way I hoard the Kosher for Passover Coke (aka Coke made with real sugar), because I am just not that big of a Dr. Pepper fan -- but I did vastly prefer this version to the normal one.



And this leads me to leave a parting plea to Coca-Cola: PLEASE, how about a real sugar version of Coke Classic? How many times do you have to let Pepsi pants you guys on this issue? Now if you'll excuse me, I have talked about this so much that I have to go hunt down down a bottle of Mexican Coke...which is rather conveniently, but sadly not cheaply, available at my local WalMart, to get a fix. (Yes, Coke made in Mexico still has sugar in it.)



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

PRICE:
$5.99 for a package of 12 cans.

CALORIES:
150 calories per can.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Each can contains 41 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
drpepper.com

Taco Bell: Classic Margarita Frutista Freeze

Yes folks, we may have hit a new low as a society. Did you know that they are now serving faux-Margaritas at Taco Bell?

Let's all be brutally honest. For the most part, there are really only two reasons that people eat at Taco Bell:

1. You are poor, and you can get an absurd amount of food on the cheap.

-AND-

2. You are really stoned or drunk (or both) and it just sounds like a really good idea. (And there are always the times when you are simultaneously poor, stoned, and/or drunk...and again, damned if Taco Bell just doesn't sound good).

I admit it: the only times I eat there are when I am either too poor to afford anything else, or I am drunk and it sounds good (someone else drives, I assure you).

It stands to reason that if you are eating there because it's so cheap, you probably cannot afford to buy the ingredients to mix a real margarita for yourself, nor to go to the bar for one. And why should a little thing like money keep you from the limey goodness of a margarita? Well, once again, Taco Bell has your back. Yes, I realize that there may be adults out there that just want the flavor without the alcohol. But jokes aside, I have a feeling that these drinks will appeal more to 14-year-old girls who order them because it makes them feel sophisticated.

Cost issues notwithstanding, I have to admit that my inner mixologist -- the snooty side of me who is a cocktail snob, and thinks that cocktails or even mocktails should only be made with freshly squeezed juices from actual fruit and not little plastic fruit shaped bottles -- is somewhat horrified at this whole concept. Oh, how I would love to be Audrey Saunders when I grow up...

However, the actual working bartender in me is nudging the mixologist part of me aside with the pointy swizzle stick of reality. Do you love any of the myriad flavored margaritas that are so popular with aging suburban women who like to fancy themselves part of a Sex and The City-style ensemble of friends? (I call those drinks Momgaritas, BTW.) If so, the fact is that you are 99% assured of drinking something that relies heavily on batches of flavored base. Those bases may taste like fruit juices, but they usually aren't. And in the case of virgin margaritas, unless the bar cuts the drink with a bit of lemonade or soda (which I am firmly against), all you are getting is a pre-made sour mix either frozen or over ice. Some places even use the same brands you can buy in the supermarket. So unless your neighborhood bar is owned and operated by dedicated cocktail purists, this prefab stuff is what you're going to get. And as far as the chains go...well, let's put it this way: Your local TGI McFunster's ain't run by cocktail purists. Period. None of the chains ever are.

Anyway...my point to all of this is that even for Taco Bell, it should be pretty hard to screw up a virgin margarita.



So, will I be wasting the day away in Tacobellritaville, sucking down faux-ritas while regretting the three gorditas I probably ate alongside? Erm...probably not.

First off, the color is weird. It's a rather bizarre shade of peachy-green. I could have understood dirty ice, or plain green, or even yellowish green. But peachy? The hell...?

And then there's the flavor. It's like the industrial chemical love child of a lime Otter Pop and floor cleaner. There is nothing remotely margaritalike about it except that it's (unpleasantly) lime flavored. Need I remind you again how hard to is to screw up a virgin margarita? You literally could go to the store, buy the cheapest bottle of sour mix, toss it over some ice in a glass rimmed with table salt, and it would still taste more like a "real" margarita than this did.



Hell, even as a limeade it never really gets past "meh" level.

Is it the worst thing on the Taco Bell menu? No, but it's not good either. Taco Bell also offers a Strawberry Margarita -- and the only difference is that the strawberry version features the strawberry puree-type topping they use on all of the strawberry Frutistas. I skipped it.

I should have skipped this, too.



PURCHASED FROM:
Taco Bell

PRICE:
$1.99

CALORIES:
454 Calories for 16 ounces.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Does not contain alcohol or fruit juice.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
tacobell.com

McDonald's McCafe Caramel Frappe

I am a coffee snob. We all know it, and I have admitted it. We all know my coffee of choice is Starbucks. But we also know I cannot resist a review.

I have reviewed some of the other drinks in McDonald's McCafe lineup. My general thoughts have been mixed. The iced latte is a perfectly serviceable (and huge) cup of...well, plain iced latte. (In truth, it is really heavy on the milk -- and I tend to add enough Splenda to sweeten the drinks of a small country and then some.) On the other hand, I would cross frozen tundras naked to avoid the Mochas.

Loving the other guys as much as I do, I can honestly say I usually don't go in for the "frozen coffee beverage" all that much (especially the "new" version), so I thought this offered Mickey D's a pretty level playing ground.

The McDonald's Frappe comes in Mocha and Caramel. I clearly opted for Caramel.

The texture is super, super smooth -- almost more like a melted milk shake than like the somewhat chunky with ice bits version that you maybe are more familiar with. I actually have to give McDonald's a point for this one. I really did prefer the smoother, thinner texture.



The caramel: Well, there is a generous drizzle on top of the whipped cream topping, and that's not bad. The caramel that is actually blended into the drink (all I know is that it is a liquid caramel flavor that is part of the drink's base) does taste like caramel -- a chemical version of caramel. There is an ultra sweet aftertaste, and if you like ultra sweet drink, you probably won't notice quite as much as I did.

The coffee taste is light, with just a little bit bitterness towards the end. If you like your frozen coffee drinks to be bolder, this may not be the drink for you. But if you are just a casual coffee drinker, it is probably about what you are expecting. I do prefer my coffee bolder as a rule, but in frozen/cold drink I would rather have a sweeter and lighter coffee flavor.



In the end, while there is no question about where my preferred hot coffee drinks come from, I would not write the McCafe Frappe off my list. It's light and sweet, and I can even overlook the not-so-great caramel. For fast food coffee, it is a really good option.

There is one other thing that I noticed that I feel the need to share: it's kind of weird, but I noticed that it does leave a lingering aftertaste that I could best call "jelly doughnut revisited." It's not bad, but it's...kinda weird.



PURCHASED FROM:
McDonald's

PRICE
$2.29

CALORIES:
550 calories per 16 oz drink.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Contains dairy.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
mcdonalds.com

Mountain Dew: DEWmocracy 2: Distortion

I think that since writing my review of another of the three new DEWmocracy flavors (White Out) I have discovered I live in what must be the most lamest, furthest-flung corner of the DEWverse.

When I picked up the White Out a couple weeks ago, it was the only one of the three new flavors to be found anywhere near me. I even contemplated visiting my local 7-11 -- which is not the best, safest location to go into, but they do tend to have a pretty current and diverse selection of items. Luckily for me, at that point the good folks at Mountain Dew stepped up and offered to send me samples of Distortion and Typhoon to keep my physical safety intact. (And also to let me get my sugar rush/caffeine high on.) They also let me know that there is indeed a diet version of Code Red out there! It's not available near me, but just knowing that it exists makes the world seem a bit warmier and fuzzier. So, a shout out of thanks to the Obi-Wan Kenobi-like folks at Mountain Dew!

Anyway...there is a soda review somewhere in here.

Distortion is billed on the bottle as a "lime blasted DEW." To echo what has already been said in reviews before this one -- isn't regular Mountain Dew already lime flavored? Sort of, at least? Regardless, this one is not about to let you forget that it's lime flavored. From the bright ectoplasm green color to the strong lime scent, it's more than clear where the flavor is aimed to go.



So how does it taste?

Well, honestly, it tastes like regular Mountain Dew -- but with the lime kicked up several Emeril-worthy notches. It's almost like key lime pie soda. (And yes, I am well aware that there is a very good key lime soda out there.) I give Mountain Dew big points for avoiding that floor cleaner-like taste that strong lime flavoring can pick up.



Like the other Mountain Dews, it's lightly carbonated and very sweet -- although, points again to the mysterious dewmeisters, as the powerful lime flavoring covers the HFCS taste pretty well. I definitely liked this flavor more than the White Out. So far, this is the one I am casting my vote for.

When you're ready to vote, be sure to visit the official DEWmocracy site. (Warning: Flash Player 10+ required.) Until then, you can read both Marvo's Distortion review here, and BevReviews' review here.



PURCHASED FROM:
Sample from company

CALORIES:
290 calories per 20 ounce bottle.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Kosher.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
mountaindew.com

Mountain Dew White Out: DEWmocracy 2010

Mountain Dew, if nothing else, really likes to pump out the special edition flavors. And they are also really big on fan feed back.

The first DEWmocracy was in 2008, and had three flavor choices that fans voted on. Those flavors were: Voltage, Revolution, and Super Nova. The winner was Voltage, and it was added to the Mountain Dew line (and is still available today).

In 2009 there was another version of DEWmocracy that was run slightly differently. Rather than merely picking which soda fans liked best, fans actually got to help design the sodas. For a lot more in-depth info on that, be sure to read Bev Review's post on DEWmocracy 2 -- they actually took part in the testing.

Edited 4/29/10:
My thanks to the good folks at both Bev Review and Mountain Dew PR for chiming into to correct some confusion on my part. I mistakenly thought that this campaign was DEWmocracy 3, when in fact it's still DEWmocracy 2. There are apparently several stages in the world of DEWmocracy, and this is stage 5 of DEWmocracy 2. I think I need Bill Maher to do a show explaining this to me.
At any rate, thanks for clearing that up, and I am sorry to anyone who I might have confused referring to this as DEWmocracy 3 (DOH!)

The three flavors are Distortion, Typhoon and White Out. Because my local Shell station is ghetto, they only had White Out. So we are going to review that one while I hunt down the other two. I realize my local 7-11 probably has it, but actually getting into that store pretty much involves being jumped into a gang. And I'm sorry, guys, but I am just not that dedicated...though I do look good in red...hmmm...



Anyway, White Out is described as being a "Smooth Citrus Dew." Isn't regular Dew citrus? The soda is indeed a cloudy shade of white, and it smells vaguely like regular Mountain Dew.

Tasting it, I was actually hoping I would agree with Marvo's take. In his review (read it here) he said it reminded him of Virgin Smirnoff Ice. Maybe I shouldn't admit this out loud, but I happen to really like Smirnoff Ice. (I know, I know, my head is semi-hung in shame.) Dammit, Marvo, you owe me a bottle of bitch beer!

I didn't get the sense of Smirnoff Ice at all. Instead, it reminded me of regular Dew mixed with potentially noxious amounts of lemon flavored jelly beans, with the sugar level -- well, the HFCS level -- turned up to 11.



Personally, this flavor is just way too sweet. There is also a funky fake lemon aftertaste. The carbonation level is perfect -- nice and bubbly but not too strong. And of course it's a Dew, so you know that there is more than enough of that sweet, sweet, caffeine to go around.

I won't be getting this flavor again, but I am going to look for the other two.

When you're ready to vote -- or if you just want more info -- check out the official DEWmocracy site here. (Warning: Flash Player 10+ required.)




PURCHASED FROM:
Local Shell gasoline station

PRICE:
$1.49

CALORIES:
280 calories per bottle.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
dewmocracy.com