Broguiere's Egg Nog

It's not often that I dedicate a review -- but with this one, I have to give a special shout out to Doug who runs the the O.K. Corral Ostrich Farm. You might have seen Doug on Dirty Jobs or Modern Marvels. Or perhaps you've even been lucky enough to try some of his ostrich meat or eggs. The reason this review this is dedicated to Doug is because he and I have been email pals for about the last year, and one of the things we've talked about a lot is our shared love of Broguiere's products.

Anyway, I have been looking forward to trying this since last year when Doug -- along with many other readers, as well as literally hundreds of online mini-reviews -- proclaimed Broguiere's to be quite possibly the best egg nog in the world. Really, how could I possibly not want to try that? Unfortunately for me, by the time I decided to, it was so late in the season that there was simply no more of the egg nog on the shelves. Broguiere's only produces egg nog for a brief, seasonal production run each year...and when its gone for the year, it's gone. In my area there are few stores that even carry it. I also live 34 miles from the location of their own drive-thru store; which, with Southern California traffic, is more than just a bit of a nuisance. However, if you are close to Montebello, California (in the greater Los Angeles area) it is possible to get it directly from them in greater quantities than you can from a typical retail location.



As with all of Broguiere's products, it comes in an old fashioned heavy glass bottle. The color of the nog is a rich buttery yellow, with little specks of spice sprinkled throughout. And before you even take a sip, you can see it's easily twice as thick as any other egg nog you're likely to have tried.

Tastewise, it lives up to every single bit of hype. It's extremely creamy, and like all the other Broguiere's products that I have tried, it leaves the same fatty, rich film in your mouth that a premium ice cream does. There are notes of vanilla and nutmeg. Maybe a touch of cinnamon too. But what it really tasted like to me was a super quality butterscotch. I'll bet a touch of dark rum added to this nog would make a fantastic adult treat -- but even drunk straight from its 1950's Leave it to Beaver-looking bottle, it's sinfully good.



I think even if you've been a horrible brat throughout the year, if you leave this for Santa, you could bribe your way into getting that new Wii.

Bottom line -- this is simply the Best Egg Nog EVER! It's even better than the Southern Comfort egg nogs I reviewed last year, and make no mistake, I still love those too.

Plagiarizing from myself here, but...I know that for those of you outside of Southern California, this review may be something of a tease. But you ought to search out local dairies in your own area that sell products like this. The difference between this and the highly processed stuff you're probably used to drinking is amazing, and worth whatever it takes to hunt it down.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

PRICE:
$5.39 per quart bottle (price includes $2 bottle deposit, which is refundable when empty bottle is returned).

ADDITIONAL INFO:
None on the bottle, but the cap advises you to call (323) 726-0524 for nutritional info.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
Talk about old school...if they have a web site, I couldn't find it. But they do have a Yelp page here, most of whose reviews are even droolier than mine.

Broguiere's Chocolate Milk

I have been trying to hunt down a bottle of Broguiere's chocolate milk since December. Broguiere's is a local independent dairy that actually does have their own store located in Montebello. But that isn't close to me, and the thought of bringing milk home on the roughly 34 mile drive, in my air conditioning-free car (I would like to tell you I am AC-free because I am going green, but in reality I am just going ghetto) is not terribly appealing. So I have been waiting for it to appear, as it does occasionally, at my local Vons supermarket. The problem is that it is just so good -- and in short supply -- that I've been told it sells out literally within hours of being stocked. And short of stalking the delivery guy, I have just never managed to get there while it was still on the shelf.

Well, I got lucky today!

Long time readers know I am actually lactose intolerant, and by far the single most painful dairy product for me to consume is straight milk. With that in mind, you are probably wondering why I have gone so out of my way for chocolate milk, of all things.

Well, first of all, I have to tell you to read my December review of Broguiere's Vitamin D Whole Milk. That review will answer such questions. Even Broguiere's "plain" milk was simply the best milk I have ever tasted. Couple that with the fact that there are literally hundreds of mini-reviews out there in cyberspace on their chocolate milk and how amazing it is, and I simply could not resist.

If the hype is to be believed, the Broguiere's Chocolate Milk is so good that if Robert Pattinson were somehow able to magically lactate, not only would that milk be glittery (of course) and chocolate flavored, and could gave you eternal youth and goodness -- and even the tiniest of sips would be able to make all the prurient dreams of even the most rabid Twihard cougars come true -- even that still would somehow manage not to be as awesome as the stuff that comes out of Broguiere Farm's mere dairy cows.

Could it even be possible for regular old chocolate milk to be that good? I will be the judge of that, thank you very much.



First, let's talk about the color. Pooled inside the old fashioned heavy glass bottle is a chocolate milk that is so dark that it is the same color as chocolate ice cream. When you pour it, it is so thick that it actually leaves a film that coats the sides of the glass. Contrast that with the HFCS-laden commercial ready-to-drink chocolate milks we are used to, which tend to be made with 2% (or even non-fat) milk, and are so thin that the texture is almost watery. No wonder this milk is even labeled "extra creamy."



And let me tell you, it lives up to the hype! It is so creamy that it's almost like drinking a non-frozen milk shake. It's thick and rich, and like good ice cream (or the regular whole milk) it leaves a luscious fatty film in your mouth.



The chocolate flavor, again, is more like high quality chocolate ice cream than any chocolate milk you're likely to have had before. It's deep and has a very Dutch cocoa quality to it. In fact, this was the first time I have ever had a ready-made chocolate milk and not wished that more chocolate syrup had been added. No indeed, it's perfect as is. It's not too sweet, and at the same time there is no bitterness.

I feel safe to say you will probably never try a better chocolate milk, EVER. I just don't think it's possible. The only remotely negative thing I can say about it is that I am sad that since it's a natural lactose filled milk, I can't drink it whenever I want. (Although, in the interest of fair play, should Robert Pattinson in fact start lactating glittering chocolate milk, I guess I am fairly obligated at this point to review it, just to be sure. Oh, the things I will do for you people...)

Plagiarizing from myself here, but...I know that for those of you outside of Southern California, this review may be something of a tease. But you ought to search out local dairies in your own area that sell products like this. The difference between this and the highly processed milk you're probably used to drinking is amazing, and worth whatever it takes to hunt it down.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket

PRICE:
$5.39 per quart bottle (price includes $2 bottle deposit, which is refundable when empty bottle is returned).

ADDITIONAL INFO:
None on the bottle, but the cap advises you to call (323) 726-0524 for nutritional info.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
Talk about old school...if they have a web site, I couldn't find it. But they do have a Yelp page here, most of whose reviews are even droolier than mine!

Broguiere's Farm Vitamin D Whole Milk

There is a reason that I don't do many reviews of just plain milk.

First and most importantly: lactose is NOT my friend. The dairy products I do eat or drink give me only fleeting pleasure (though in most cases, so worth it that I am willing to ignore the aftereffects), and it is not pleasant for me for quite a while after consumption. My cereal habit is fueled by Lactaid brand lactose-free milk...or if I can't get that, Silk brand soy milk.



And beyond that, milk that isn't flavored is...well, boring.

I had actually gone out searching for Broguiere's chocolate milk. Everything I have read about it says it is so good it may cause rainbows and puppies to spontaneously shoot out of your butt. But sadly, my local Vons was sold out.

After reading literally hundreds of positive online mini-reviews of Broguiere's products, it became clear that even the "plain" milk was something to check out. So, although I had to put off getting the chocolate milk, I didn't leave empty-handed.



Broguiere's makes the full range of milk products: whole, skim, etc. Personally, if I am going to suffer, it is going to be for the whole milk variety. All of Broguiere's products are sold in old school glass bottles (and yes, there is a steep CRV on them, but you do get credit for returning the bottles...or, you have a cool bottle should you choose to keep it). Their milk is only minimally processed -- basically, they pasteurize it (to keep the government happy because, y'know, government always, always knows best, right?) but that's about all. And because there are no preservatives added, the shelf life is brief. You have to drink it within a day or two of purchase. The farm has its own store -- a drive-in! -- located in Montebello, near Los Angeles, and their products are also sold in various supermarkets all over Southern California.

I can honestly say I have never had milk like this. Granted, I drink next to no "regular" milk, but this here...just wow.

The texture is more like cream. Heavyish and rich. The milk leaves your mouth coated in that rich fatty film that good ice cream (or heavy cream...errrrmmmm, not that I have ever been known to drink heavy cream...) does.

It's the flavor that you really notice, though. It's almost buttery. Actually, it reminded me a lot of clarified butter. At first that's a bit much...then it gets oddly cravable. (Is that a word? No? Well, it is now.) I won't lie -- I was not pleasant to be around after I drank about half the bottle, but damn if it wasn't worth it. I have never had milk that was practically straight from the cow -- hormone-free cows, at that -- there is a very noticeable difference in the flavor and the consistency. If I could drink dairy without aftereffects, this would be the only milk I would ever drink.



I know that for those of you outside of Southern California, this review may be something of a tease. But you ought to search out local dairies in your own area that sell products like this. The difference between this and the highly processed milk you're probably used to drinking is amazing, and worth whatever it takes to hunt it down.



PURCHASED FROM:
Vons Supermarket