Thursday, September 27, 2007

Flaming Hot Cheetos

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These have been around for awhile but somehow I had never gotten around to trying them.

All I have to say is what the hell took me so long?! No, these are not the hottest thing I have ever eaten. I am somewhat famous (in my own mind) for being able to eat Daves Insanity Sauce right from the bottle Anyway, as I was saying it's not that the Cheetos are all that hot but they do have a good flavor.
The best way to describe the taste is to have you imagine what Tabasco sauce would taste like if it was both crunchy and salty.
All this needs is a nice cold beer to go with it.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Kozy Shack Chocolate Pudding

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I have always eyed the tubs of Kozy Shack pudding that share a case with my beloved Jello brand with suspension

When I really like something I tend to be very brand loyal and pre-made pudding is one of those products that are either pretty good or pretty vile. And there is no nice way to say this but with the exception of Swiss Miss products (and not even all of those) non Jello brand pre-made pudding tends to be merely bad on a good day.
Yesterday at the Mega Mart my mother was browsing the pudding section and going on about how great Kozy Shack pudding is. I decided that maybe this once Mother did in fact know best and a tub of Kozy chocolate pudding made it into the basket.

What I should have remembered is that when it comes to food I should never listen to my Mother.

I knew I was not in for a good ride when I opened the tub to portion out a couple of spoonfuls. I gave it a good stir and unhappily noted that to serve the pudding it would be more like pouring then scooping.
One of the things I like about Jello pudding is the thickness. You can hold a spoonful of jello pudding upside down and if it is properly chilled (as I prefer it) the pudding will stick to the spoon. The Kozy Shack is runnier and thiner. Watery is actually the first word that came to mind.

The texture:
Like I am sure you are expecting by now was also on the lame side. It does have a cool, smooth mouth feel but there is no creamy richness, no weight. It's kinda like the bastard step-brother of chocolate milk and a good chocolate milk shake. Not thin enough to be chocolate milk, not thick enough to be a milk shake. Instead it just puddles on the spoon. Like a horny teenager on a bad date you know it is going to go straight to your hips without the illusion of doing anything for you, but you humor it anyway in the hopes it will prove you wrong.

The taste:
Well it's chocolate... No, seriously the flavor is not bad. Kozy Shack uses Dutch Chocolate and it does have a deep, rich cocoa taste. The addition of cinnamon and a pinch of cayenne would probably make it down right tasty. If it had some decent body this pudding might surpass Jello. But alas...

Overall it could have been a lot worse but I am still sticking to Jello.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter with Honey

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My peanut butter addiction strikes again!

I like the Uncrustables line. My only complaint with the original two flavors, which were the Grape and Strawberry PB/J offerings had been that there was just too much jelly.
I am a peanut butter purist for the most part and I prefer my peanut butter jelly free and on the softest white bread possible. Uncrustables were never as good as the sandwiches I made myself but they were (and still are) the best way to bring peanut butter to work.

My local Mega Mart finally got int the PB/Honey version. My only reserves about them had been that they are a white bread pocket (don't get me wrong I love white bread but not with my peanut butter) and I was worried the honey would be in the same mega portions as the regular jelly. Lucky for me my concerns were unwarranted.

The bread, while wheat in appearance tastes and feels exactly like my cheap, soft white bread of choice(I WONDER what that could be...) The honey is interesting. I was expecting the type of honey that globs so easily out of my little plastic bears head. The honey in the Uncrustables texture wise is more like jelly. Actually if you are a marmalade fan it is the exact texture (and color) as the marmalade goo that holds all of the orange rind together.
Flavor-wise. The honey-type goo has only the tiniest hint of actual honey flavor- but in this case it works.

A great little snack for bringing to work/school etc- it can sit thawed in the package for 6 to 8 hours!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Russell Stover Vanilla Bean Brulee

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These squares are part of the Private Reserve collection and they will now be part of my reserve as well.

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The base chocolate is a 70% dark chocolate. The bitterness of the chocolate perfectly balances the sweetness of the creamy center.
The center is supposed to taste like Vanilla Creme Brulee. Honestly I don't really taste the vanilla. If I was blind tasting I would actually tell you that the center has a faint hint of toasted marshmallow rather then straight vanilla. Whats nice is that the chocolate and the center perfectly compliment each other like warm Starbucks on a cold day or Sigfried and Roy.
They also managed to make the melt even and creamy on these (unlike the Black Forrest squares)

At roughly 60 calories a .45 oz square it's not something you want to sit and snack on all afternoon but if you need a rich chocolate fix or an indulgent treat it is well worth the calories.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Dove Milk Chocolate Hazelnut Caramels

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Dove has launched a line of flavored caramels

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I happen to like the Dove Promises so I was excited to see these.
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I decided to start with the Hazelnut caramel first.
The candy it's self is the exact size and shape as your average Promise.
When you open the bag sadly you do not get a heavy scent of hazelnuts- but if you give the unwrapped candies a sniff you will detect the slightest hint of the nutty goodness within... what's that?- YOU don't sniff your candy? You my friend are missing out. Remember that a large percentage of what you taste is based on what you smell.

So how does it taste you ask?
Pretty good!- yeah well that was helpful.
The chocolate is classic, creamy Dove milk chocolate and it has the rich melt you expect from Dove.
The caramel: It is gooey but not sticky. Actually besides being caramel in color it did not really remind me much of caramel. It was more like a truffle filling then caramel and it has none of the wonderful burnt sugar taste of a good caramel. I however will overlook all that because it tastes so darn good. The caramel-type filling has such a gentle, subtle hazelnut taste that it keeps you returning to the bag for more. It's like a sweet kiss from your first love- did I get enough cheesy metaphors in there?

In a (hazel)nut shell this is perfect for people who like Hazelnut but don't want something as strong as Nutella (like me). Hazelnut addicts may not find it strong enough in flavor but will probably still like it. Or for those of you that like the flavor of nuts in candy but don't want to eat the actual nuts themselves- like me!... Yes, I know I am a freak but that is for another blog.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Laughing Cow Creamy Swiss Cheese Wedges

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As a cheese head I am kinda embarrassed to admit that not only did I eat this but that it was even in my fridge at all... I swear it was not mine- I was holding it for a friend!- really! (Look I live in the middle of nowhere and at 2:00 a.m. sometimes you just have to make due.)

I was dying for some cheese and it was the only thing in the fridge so I went for it.
Think of something nice to say...

I did like the texture. It is sort of like a cross between brie and cream cheese. Smooth and reasonably creamy on the tongue. I had no desire to do so but it would probably spread on crackers/bread/etc pretty easily. And that is the nicest thing I have to say.

I don't know where they get Swiss cheese from. It's white, Swiss cheese is white, that's got to be it. What it really tastes like is an extra thick, extra creamy, Kraft American single. Is this even real cheese? Maybe it wants to be real cheese when it grows up?

I don't have time to wait- I am going to find some Drunken Goat tomorrow!

Trident Wild Blueberry Twist

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Wild blueberry Twist is actually blueberry and Pomegranate flavored.

Since I like both of those things this looked pretty promising.
The first thing that hits you when you open the package is the incredibly strong, scent of cheap blueberry candles- you know the ones that even the dollar stores have to mark down because they are so horrible. The scent by the way seems to get stronger as you chew the gum. Not so great for anyone that is standing near by.

Ignoring the aroma and pressing on to actually chew the gum... The taste is quite good. If you like Pom Wonderful Pom/Blueberry juice you will love the gum. The flavor is almost exactly alike.

I say almost because what kills it is the aftertaste from the use of Xylitol. It's not that I don't like the bitter, medicinal, fake sugar taste but you would think there would be some better magic chemical they could use.
On a bittersweet note the all around flavor for good and bad wears off very quickly- if you get a good ten minutes out of it you are lucky.

An interesting chew but it could have been a lot better.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Orbit Crystal Mint Gum

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Did you ever say to yourself "Self, I really wish there was a gum that smells and tasted just like Ben-Gay!"?

Yeah, I hadn't either. But someone, somewhere did and the world was given the "gift" of Orbit Crystal Mint gum. The second you open the protective plastic wrapper the first thing that hits you is the unmistakable medicinal winter mint type aroma of Ben-Gay.
You would have thought that the smell would be enough to keep me from chewing a piece anyway- but noooo. Sometimes I question just why I do things and this was a classic example. I have never had the desire to suck on a tube of Ben-Gay like there was no tomorrow (which I am guessing would be the case if one were to eat the contents of the Ben-gay tube)but after chewing this gum I can safely say I will continue to repress that urge for years to come.

Does anyone actually like this flavor?, was there that big a demand out there for something that tastes and smells like OTC arthritis relief? This will go down as the single vilest piece of gum EVER! Oh and it has got to be the single longest lasting flavor this side of Stride. NOTHING killed that taste. It took well over an hour to get the last trace out of my mouth.

So, you may have guessed I did not like it...

Monday, September 3, 2007

Blueberry Monster Crunch Cereal

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First person to bag on me for eating Disney brand kids cereal meets my Smurfy wrath!

YES- there are cartoon monsters on the box. NO- it did not come with a cool toy- But I liked it anyway! (would have liked it better with a toy...)

I think the best way to describe it would be to tell you to imagine Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Instead of ribbons of cinnamon it's the same faux "toast" studded with "blueberries" and covered in sugar!

As far as the blueberry flavor goes I will give them points. It's not exactly a natural blueberry but it doesn't have the super sweet fake flavor of say "Boo Berry"

Not the best cereal ever but I would buy it again.

Razzberry M&M's

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I've known about these for about a month but had a hard time finding them in my area. Luckily the local Mega Mart finally got them in stock.

The M&M's themselves resemble the Peanut Butter M&M's in size and shape. The color is a lovely shade of Pepto-Bismol. Having seen the Color Works shades I wonder why they didn't go with a better color.

The Taste:
The raspberry is your average artificial raspberry. It lacks the depth and the tart bite that real raspberry has. Same old M&M chocolate.
Not bad but I think I will skip a second bag.