Carl's Jr. Teriyaki Six Dollar Burger

Every single time I see ads for this sandwich, all I can think of is the Big Kahuna Burger that has been featured in probably every Quentin Tarantino movie (and some of Robert Rodriguez's, as well). And Samuel L. Jackson did say that it was a mighty tasty burger. Who am I to argue with Motherfarking Samuel L. Jackson? When Samuel says something is good, you take his motherfarking word for it, motherfarker!

Unless you're me, and then you still try it for yourself -- risking life, limb, and likely a motherfarking pimp slap.

Carl's Jr. offers several versions of this burger, including single, double, and Six Dollar version. Since the only meat from Carl's that I really like is the Six Dollar burger, that's what I got.



The burger is served on a sesame seed bun with teriyaki glaze, grilled pineapple, two slices of Swiss cheese, red onion, lettuce, tomato and (normally) mayo. Sorry guys, just like when I reviewed the Chicken Teriyaki sandwich, I just can't hang with the idea of mayo and teriyaki sauce together. I know this sort of goes against my review-it-as-it-comes mantra -- but I have made peace with it, and so should you.



The lettuce, of course, is the standard fast food Iceberg, so there's some crunch. The tomatoes added a nice, juicy bite. The Swiss cheese...well, it's there, and it's a cheese-type product. It's not bad, it's not good, it's just sort of there. As for the bread, I always like Carl's buns. They toast well and hold up to even the goopiest of toppings.



Much like the chicken version, the pineapple is canned, but it is sweet and juicy. The teriyaki sauce really stands up well to the Six Dollar patty -- which is thicker and more peppery than the "normal" patties. It's salty, but the meat cuts it better than the chicken version did. And yes, like the chicken version, once the sandwich cools down the sauce does seem more intense. It's true that this burger is every bit as messy as it looks on TV, but that's OK because it is also every bit as good as you would hope.



PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr.

CALORIES:
840 calories per sandwich.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
carlsjr.com

Carl's Jr. Teriyaki Chicken Sandwich

I have a loudly professed dislike of chicken. I have said so in more than one review, and those that know me in real life know that I next to never eat it for non-review purposes. (And as you can look up for yourself, there's not a huge amount of chicken reviews to be found here.) "But Gigi," you are probably screaming at your computer right now, "Everybody loves chicken!" If by "everybody" you mean the rest of the universe minus me, then yes, I guess you are right. Me, personally...not so much. It has actually been said to me that perhaps if I could just learn to embrace if not to downright like or even love chicken, that perhaps the vast forces of the universe will see fit to conjoin all of its infinite powers upon me, the glow of good karma will start to smile upon me, my chakras would align, the Force would be with me, and...I dunno, there might be rainbows.

All of that sounded pretty deep, and I like to think that I am open-minded and reasonably non-picky. And if at least attempting to becomes friends with the humble chicken is what it takes to get in better with the universe, well, ya know what? I am down!



Jamie Oliver may have cured me of ever wanting a chicken nugget again for life -- and I cannot thank Jamie enough, but that is an entire other post. Nuggets might be out, but a grilled chicken breast sandwich? Well, that certainly had potential. (Hear that, universe? I said it had potential!) This sandwich also had the good luck to be made of the same grilled meat that the only other chicken sandwich I happen to like is also made from (I do truly like the Carl's Jr. Santa Fe Chicken Sandwich), and this sandwich has teriyaki sauce! Does that get me extra cool points, I wonder? Besides, who doesn't like teriyaki?

Yes, Carl's Jr.'s Teriyaki Chicken Sandwich consists of a charbroiled chicken breast, teriyaki glaze, a grilled pineapple slice, melted Swiss cheese, tomato, mayo, red onion, and lettuce all sitting on a honey wheat bun. (You may notice my sandwich is on a white bun -- my local Carl's Jr. was out of the honey wheat bun, so...)



So after all of that, am I not one with the Universe or what?

The teriyaki glaze is good, sweet, just a little salty. It would actually be good enough on its own to eat over steamed rice. Caveat: I say that about the sauce while it is still warm. Once it cools down, it seems to become saltier and a little stronger. It's still not bad, but it does change.

The lettuce and onion add a little crunch but not much flavor. But the lettuce is the standard Iceberg, and it's red onion, which is very mild to begin with, so that's no surprise. The tomato on mine was a single slice and added some tang. The pineapple is sweet and tastes exactly as you would expect a fast food pineapple to taste -- yeah, from a can, but let's be fair: It's canned pineapple, and it's pretty hard to screw up canned pineapple rings. I have to admit I had them skip the mayo. I know that's kind of cheating, since it comes with mayo by default, but I just could not stomach the thought of mayo and teriyaki together. It might be great, and maybe someone who has eaten it will chime in. But I skipped it.

The Swiss cheese: There is indeed a cheese slice. It's fast food Swiss cheese, which is to say it's melty but there is not a lot of taste. It's simply there. I wouldn't go out of my way to get it, and if they forgot to put it on I probably wouldn't miss it.



The chicken: Again, for all the bagging I do on chicken, I actually do like the grilled breasts used by Carl's. They are lean, relatively juicy, and they aren't tough or gristly as a rule -- and this particular breast was no exception. It does in fact have that fire-grilled taste. I usually ask them to put a little extra char on mine because I like that.

So... did I like the sandwich or not? Actually, yes I did. I liked it a lot. Personally, I would always have it on the white bun, and I would continue to skip the mayo -- but I would definitely order this again.

So, Universe, I have taken a tiny step forward. Do I love chicken or even like it? Well, that's still going a little far...but maybe if I put some trust in you hopefully you will put some back in me. There is hope... or something deep and mystical like that.



PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr.

PRICE:


CALORIES:
510 calories per sandwich.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
carlsjr.com

Carl's Jr. Double Grilled Cheese Bacon Burger

I love burgers on sourdough, and I love grilled cheese. And I love grilled cheese on sourdough. And since we all know it's physically impossible for bacon to do anything but improve whatever it's put on, this burger had to be a winner -- right?



Yeah, actually it is.

The sourdough bread is nicely toasted, but it doesn't have much flavor. Nonetheless it stands up well to all the cheese and grease.

The cheese blend is a mix of Swiss & American. And just in case you still had an artery or two sort of functioning amidst the cheese, there are the meat patties. And the bacon. Oh, and then the whole thing is slathered with mayonnaise. Quadruple bypass for dessert, anyone?



The beef patties are juicy and taste like they were actually grilled.

The bacon...well, it's like instant, ready-made bacon. But bad bacon is still kinda like bad sex. At least you can say you've had it.



Yes, it's a nutritional nightmare...but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't pretty awesome. It actually reminds me of a perfect hybrid of my two favorite Jack In The Box menu items -- the Sourdough Jack and the Ultimate Cheeseburger. (I am sure neither company is going to be happy I said that. But it was meant as a compliment.)

God, I feel so dirty. But I'm still smiling.



PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr.

PRICE:
$3.49

CALORIES:
1,020. (I know, but this is a sometimes food.)

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
carlsjr.com

Carl's Jr: Parmesan Chicken Sandwich

Going to New York City? Well, deep in the largely-ignored borough of the Bronx, there is an Italian restaurant you will probably not find in a tourist guide book for New York City -- not because it isn't worthy, but because the people who write guide books treat the Bronx as if it doesn't exist. And let me tell you, that is a shame. Because Fratelli serves food so good that I spend the greater part of the year craving it (should you go, do not miss the calamari!). Every time I visit New York I make sure to eat at Fratelli least once...and you should, too. I've never had their Chicken Parmesan, but I am certain that it is nothing other than ethereal...

(*insert deliriously happy Fratelli-inspired sigh here*)

Eh...returning to real life here in Southern California, where good Italian food is as rare as an honest politician...I'm now reviewing something vaguely, somewhat, remotely Italian-style: specifically, Carl's Jr's Parmesan Chicken sandwich. Is there any chance it is going to compete with Fratelli's? Pfffffft, yeah, on what frickin planet???

But, could it prove to be a good fast food option?

That's a different matter, so let's find out.



Nestled inside a sesame seeded bun is a fried chicken breast slathered with marinara sauce on the top and the bottom, with a slice of melted Parmesan cheese.



The bun, eh, it's a fast food bun. I happen to like the buns Carl's uses. There is nothing special about them, but they do hold up well to sauces and are tasty enough.

I am sure this is the same fried chicken breast that Carl's uses on other sandwiches. It's got that "country chicken" type breading on it. A little too peppery, but that's the worst I can say about it. The meat itself is moist and lean.

The sauce is...well, it's generic canned tomato sauce. Fans of canned sauce may consider this their lucky day. It also tastes strongly of red bell pepper. I hate red bell peppers, so for me this was not a good thing. And it is needlessly sweet in the way that I find nearly all pre-made red sauces to be.

The cheese...what, that was cheese? Really? When did Goodyear start making cheese?

OK, I can see where small children (and some adults) who are not picky about their Italian-style foods may like this. Me, not so much. In fact, I thought it was damned nasty. The chicken and bun were tolerable, but the sauce and the so-called cheese were absolutely horrifying. I couldn't finish even half the sandwich. When my chicken sandwich craving comes up (about once every three years) I will stick with Carl's Charbroiled Santa Fe Chicken sandwich, which is truly good.

Bottom line, avoid this one. Instead, go to the Bronx and have dinner at Fratelli. You'll be happy you did.


PURCHASED FROM:

Carl's Jr

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Carl's Jr: Chocolate Chip Hand Scooped Ice Cream Shake

Dear Carl's Jr:

That is an incredibly long name for a shake. However, as it does feature the words "cookie dough," I am willing to overlook it.

Carl's Jr milk shakes tend to be hit or miss. Example, the Oreo shakes are pretty tasty. The orange cream shake? Eh, not so much. So I tend to try their new shakes with lower expectations than I do with other chains (sorry, Carl's, the truth hurts). But I always give points to Carl's Jr for still using REAL ice cream in their shakes.



This cookie dough shake is a vanilla ice cream shake base with chocolate chip cookie dough, and topped with "whipped topping." I really wonder why Carl's is willing to spring for real ice cream, but real whipped cream seems to much to ask. I hate "whipped topping," and if not for the sake of review, would ask that it be left off.

So how does it taste? Sweet! But in this case I mean that in the best possible way. The shake really does taste like a liquid version of cookie dough. Yes, that is as awesome as it sounds. The little specks of blended-up dough add a nice bit of texture to the otherwise rich and creamy shake. There's a nice vanilla aftertaste. All around, very indulgent and very tasty.

You know what? Even WITH the dreaded "whipped topping," I really loved this shake!


PURCHASED FROM:

Carl's Jr

Carl's Jr.: The Portobello Mushroom Six Dollar Burger

Back in the day, when I was somewhere around five or six years old, Carl's Jr. was the fast food I would beg for.

Because it was also the only place we ever lived within walking distance of, my grandmother, who watched us during the day (and didn't drive) would often break down and take me there; mostly to shut me up. Nowadays, I am less of a fan than I used to be -- sorry, guys, it's hard to compete with the legendary In-N-Out -- but I do like their Six Dollar Burger. And every now and then, I just have to have one. Also, as I love mushrooms on pretty much anything, it seemed as if this burger should be a slam dunk.



The burger itself is doesn't disappoint. The meat has a nice grilled taste. They don't go overboard on the mayo, and the cheese is serviceable. Yeah, they do put somewhere around half a head of lettuce on it, but that seems to be the new standard.

The problem with this burger is the mushrooms. They're slimy. Really slimy -- like snail trail slimy. They taste good enough -- by probably-canned, highly preserved, not-fresh standards. You can definitely taste that at some point in their lives they had been earthy and meaty, just a little chewy, and all the things that a good mushroom should be. Oh, what a thing it might have been if not for the fact that somewhere down the road, something evil turned them into the blackish puddle of muck that floats in a grease river on top of the burger. And in a final insult upon injury, there were even herbs added to the mushrooms to add further flavor. But, like the 'shrooms themselves, the herbs don't have any life left either, and in fact I can't tell you which herbs they once were.

But for some reasonably fresh mushrooms, this would have been a terrific fast food burger. It's actually hard to rate this one because the burger itself is damn good...but, since it is advertised as a Portobello Mushroom burger, we have to give the sorry mushrooms their due. Thus, in the end, I can't rate this one highly at all.


PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr

Carl's Jr. Orange Cream Hand-Scooped Shake

Oh, how can I be diplomatic about this?

Maybe it's the use of "whipped topping" rather than real whipped cream. Maybe it's that it tastes like something your Mom made and tried to pawn off as being from McDonald's (mine cannot be the only mother who tried that). Or maybe it's because about the only thing that might make this shake remotely drinkable is large quantities of vodka. But this shake seems like it crawled out of the dark, boozy depths of Sandra Lee's "mind."

Now don't get me wrong, Aunt Sandy (as she likes to call herself) is probably that cool, yet scary relative who sneaks you booze at boring family functions, while telling you in way-too-graphic detail about the time she stuck her tongue down your Dad's throat. It's not that I have anything against her. It's just that I would choose starvation before eating (or drinking) any of the many crimes against humanity she calls "food."



Sadly, I have to wonder if she was the consultant for this flavor. You've really got to be trying in order to do Creamsicle (aka orange and vanilla) badly. The ice cream itself is thick and smooth. The vanilla is artificial but not unpleasant. No, the problem lies entirely with the orange flavor.



I can't imagine how they created, let alone approved this flavor. It's like a citrus Chernobyl. It's as if orange-flavored sulfa medicine and an orange Tic Tac took too many street drugs and had a deformed, one-eyed love child named Blinky. It's grotesque, frightening, and just plain wrong. If only they had used some orange juice, or even some orange soda.

And there is an aftertaste best not talked about...

Truly vile.



PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr.

Carl's Jr Mint Oreo Shake

This shake won't be wining any beauty prizes. The best way to describe the look is to say that it looks like liquid cement...

But sometimes beauty is on the inside and that's the case with this shake.

It may not be pretty but it does taste good. It's thick with vanilla ice cream. The mint while clearly just a flavored syrup manages not to taste like mouth wash. The Oreo's are plentiful. This is the best shake I have had from Carls's!

PURCHASED FROM:
Carl's Jr