Thursday, May 28, 2009

Carl's Jr. Orange Cream Hand-Scooped Shake

Oh, how can I be diplomatic about this?

Maybe it's the use of "whipped topping" rather than real whipped cream. Maybe it's that it tastes like something your Mom made and tried to pawn off as being from McDonald's (mine cannot be the only mother who tried that). Or maybe it's because about the only thing that might make this shake remotely drinkable is large quantities of vodka. But this shake seems like it crawled out of the dark, boozy depths of Sandra Lee's "mind."

Now don't get me wrong, Aunt Sandy (as she likes to call herself) is probably that cool, yet scary relative who sneaks you booze at boring family functions, while telling you in way-too-graphic detail about the time she stuck her tongue down your Dad's throat. It's not that I have anything against her. It's just that I would choose starvation before eating (or drinking) any of the many crimes against humanity she calls "food."

Sadly, I have to wonder if she was the consultant for this flavor. You've really got to be trying in order to do Creamsicle (aka orange and vanilla) badly. The ice cream itself is thick and smooth. The vanilla is artificial but not unpleasant. No, the problem lies entirely with the orange flavor.

I can't imagine how they created, let alone approved this flavor. It's like a citrus Chernobyl. It's as if orange-flavored sulfa medicine and an orange Tic Tac took too many street drugs and had a deformed, one-eyed love child named Blinky. It's grotesque, frightening, and just plain wrong. If only they had used some orange juice, or even some orange soda.

And there is an aftertaste best not talked about...

Truly vile.

Carl's Jr.


mc said...

"citrus Chernobyl" Love it!

Gigi said...

Thank you! thank you!
I am available for parties, graduations, weddings, Bar & Bat Mitzvah's and Walmart grand openings!