Chipotle Mexican Grill: Barbacoa Burrito

There is a Chipotle Mexican Grill within walking distance of my front door. Despite this fact, I have been there a total of three times in the last nine years. It's not that I really have anything against Chipotle -- it's just that on the occasions when I did eat there, I found the food to be bland. And to be brutally honest, as I live in Southern California, there are just too many far superior Mexican food options to found. (Some of which I could also walk to were I not a lazy bastardess -- I know that's not really a word, I just don't care.)

My favorite place is a mere 10 minute drive from me (with traffic -- and there is always traffic), located in what is euphemistically called the "working class" part of town. The place is packed with customers regardless of the time of day. Local PD is always in the parking lot, and there are always armed guards on site -- and yes, I mean armed as in really carrying guns. I've never seen anything go down in there, but I have watched enough "Gangland" to spot gang tats, and I am sure the police and guards are there for a reason. You will wait in line a minimum of 20 minutes to place your order, and then another 10 at least before your food is ready for pickup. There's no drive-thru, and there is no guaranteeing that the person taking your order will speak English, so you'd better know basic Spanish or bring a friend who does. So why go through all of that? Because if there is such a thing as Heaven on Earth, I am pretty sure it's smothered in their red sauce and served between warm corn tortillas. And I have often braved the above described conditions to get their carne asada tacos at 1:00 A.M. because they are just that good.



But lately Gigi has not been physically at her best, and sometimes I am just not up to the rigors required to get my ethereal Mexican treats. And this is where Chipotle comes in: I wanted something Mexican, and I have a friend who likes to tease me that I am a picky eater (does he even read this blog?!) and he is a big fan of Chipotle's Barbacoa Burrito. So I tossed caution to the wind and said why not. Rather than going to my beloved taco heaven, I went to the distinctly less celestial Chipotle.

How did it work out for me?

Well, I will give Chipotle points for a couple things:

1. In a world where many fast food joints have about 400 offerings -- most of which they should never even attempt -- Chipotle keeps the menu pretty bare-bones and simple. I think that for the most part this is the way to go. Do a select set of items and do them well, instead of 10 good items and 390 mediocre ones. The question for this review is, did Chipotle do it well?

2. The burritos are HUGE. Take a look at the pictures here -- that's not a mere saucer or salad plate my burrito is sitting on; it's a 10-inch dinner plate. I have no idea how much it weighs, but it is big enough that biting into it if you have a small mouth is nearly impossible, and attempting to anyway makes for a huge mess. I couldn't finish even half of it at a sitting. (Of course, re-wrapped and re-heated, it did make for a nice snack later.)



You get to choose what fillings go into your burrito, so here's what I had put in mine:

Barbacoa beef (which is shredded beef that is spiced with things like adobo and cumin, garlic, etc.)
Cilantro-lime rice
Pinto beans
Sour cream
Guacamole
Cheese.

Let's be honest, there is not much to say about pinto beans and sour cream. Mind, I have had some home cooked pintos that I would sell my brother for (seriously). But these are just...well, they're just beans, not bad, not great, just kinda there.

The guacamole: I know the website talks about how it's hand mashed and seasoned until it's "silky, sexy and delicious" (that is a direct quote), but frankly it tasted simply like salty, mashed avocado. And I can live with that.

The cheese...well, it's gringo cheese. If you were hoping for queso fresco...um, well...sorry...but it's shredded Monterrey Jack. Again it's not bad, it just is.

The cilantro-lime rice is simply steamed white rice with a squirt of lime juice and some cilantro mixed in. I'll give them points for it not being sticky or starchy. But again, it's generic white rice, and even with the citrus and cilantro it's kinda bland. I really can't say much else one way or the other.



The barbacoa beef: This is the one thing I really liked. The meat is very lean and super tender. I like my spicy food to be spicy, and while on my personal 1-to-11 heat scale this rates about a 3, I can understand how those with less spice tolerance would place it at a 7 or maybe higher. It at least made the rest of the perfectly serviceable but otherwise boring ingredients seem a bit more zippy.

Would I go out of my way to have this again? Honestly, as long as my "taco heaven" is open, I can't say that I would. It's not that any of the ingredients are bad; it's just that the meal as a whole -- even being helped by the barbacoa -- is a little too bland for me to get excited about.




PURCHASED FROM:
Chipotle Mexican Grill

PRICE:
$6.10

CALORIES:
980 per burrito...roughly. That's based on the ingredient information on the official website, and assumes the maker used company-perfect portioning of ingredients.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
chipotle.com

Pepsi Max Cease Fire

This new Pepsi Max flavor completely flew under my radar until I saw it today while on a review hunt at Target. (I told you guys I look for stuff everywhere and always!) It might also be because I tend to be more on the lookout for new Coke products. I have to give Pepsi their due, however: as much as I may prefer Coke Zero over all else, when it comes to flavored colas (vanilla, lime, lemon etc) I have to hand it to Pepsi. In those cases I think they do the job far better job than the other guys. (I still love you, Coke Zero.)

Pepsi Max Cease Fire is a calorie free, lime flavored cola. (Pepsi in fact already makes a lime flavored version of the regular Diet Pepsi that is quite good.) The hook to this product is that not only is it the first of the flavored entry in the Max line, but if the Pepsi website and the package blurb are to be believed, it is supposed to be able to extinguish even the hottest of spices that can be eaten along with it.

Uh-huh! I will be the judge of that one.



First, the soda on its own:

It smells pretty much like regular Pepsi Max, but with the tiniest bit of lime. It tastes pretty much like standard issue Pepsi Max, too. The lime is subdued and comes mostly as an aftertaste -- an effect that, in some cases, can work quite well. (For example, DRY Sodas -- see my reviews here, here, and here.) What wasn't working for me was that instead of having a sharp citrus zing or bite, the lime aftertaste reminded me of cheap lime flavored lollipops. It's not bad, but if I want a really good lime cola I'll stay with the regular Diet Pepsi with lime. I am not sure why they went with such a sweet, artificial-tasting version of lime over something a little more authentic. I can see where people who like a sweeter taste would prefer this version, though.

The carbonation is on the low side, even for a Pepsi product. It's not a deal breaker for me, but I do like my soda to either be completely flat or at least as bubbly as a normal Pepsi.

So let's talk about the claim that the soda can ease the burn of hot (spicy) foods...

I may just be -- depending on your point of view -- either the best person or the worst person on the planet to tackle this. As is well documented on this blog, I looooo-o-o-ove spicy hot food. I love hot sauce. I have yet to find anything that has been hot enough to make me cry for water. (And yes, I can even eat Dave's Insanity sauce by itself by the spoonful.)

Looking around my house, I tried to find something up to the challenge. To keep it in the Pepsi family, I decided on testing this on a packet of Taco Bell FIRE sauce (which, for the record, I personally do not find to be very hot, but I know a lot of people do). This may be why I am also the worst person to try this test -- I have a really high tolerance for what I consider spicy, so maybe read my results with that kept in mind.



I just squeezed the contents of the packet directly onto my tongue and held it there for about 20 seconds prior to swallowing the sauce. We did attempt photos of this event, but there was just no way to do it with out it looking like something from the world's most messed up porno, so you will just have to use your imaginations. (Y'know, that thing we played with before we had cool stuff to play with...?)

So did it cool my mouth? Honestly...since on my personal scale of hotness I consider Taco Bell FIRE sauce to be mild, no, I didn't notice a cooling effect. What I did notice is that the lime flavor seems to become more pronounced, and it did seem less sweet than it had before the hot sauce.

It's a neat idea and it's not a bad soda. I just don't think it was nearly as good as it could have been. The lime is just too sweet -- which I don't understand, because the lime in the Diet Pepsi is so good. It also just seems under-carbonated. If anyone with less of a tolerance for heat/spice tries this experiment, I would love to hear your comments.



PURCHASED FROM:
Target

PRICE:
$1.69

CALORIES:
0

ADDITIONAL INFO:
Phenylketonurics: Contains phenylalanine. Sugar free.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE:
pepsi.com

Trader Joe's Apricot Dried Fruit Bar

Fruit leather is one of my work snack staples. I had a stash of Matt's Munchies fruit leather, which I have since gone through. But my local go-to brand is Trader Joe's.

While not organic, Trader Joe's fruit leathers are unsweetened and come in a huge variety of flavors.



The package contains two nori-like strips of leather that are roughly the thickness of a U.S. quarter.

The color is a rich shade of chocolate brown. The leather has a great texture. It's got enough tooth to it that it bites off in a clean snap, but there is still enough moisture from the fruit that it becomes juicy in your mouth rather than dry or gummy.

I normally love apricot anything (in fact, there are fresh apricots on my counter as we speak), and as much as I like the texture of these bars, it's the taste that I have a hard time with.



Have you ever smelled Demeter's "Dirt" fragrance? Well, this fruit leather tastes exactly the way that smells. (Now don't get me wrong -- I absolutely LOVE that scent, and I in fact do own and wear it.) It's a rich, earthy taste that's slightly grassy, vaguely herbal, salty and watery all at once. Imagine a very rich, very fertile potting soil and you'll get the idea. But while that makes for a wonderful scent, I'm not sure it's the best thing to taste. And somewhere in there, it's like the whole thing was kissed by a perfectly ripe apricot. (Well, more like platonic peck-on-the-cheek rather than a passionate tongue-down-the-throat type of kiss.) The apricot flavor is there, but just barely. I have to be honest, I prefer my apricots to simply be sweet and kind of peachy.

From a foodie standpoint, this fruit leather is clearly superior to the sugar-and-chemical laden stuff aimed at kids that tastes more like candy than fruit. Nonetheless, I would actually prefer that "fake" kind over this one.

It's difficult to rate this, because while it is clearly a better, healthier product than the highly processed kind, in the end I am drawing the line at taste alone.



PURCHASED FROM:
Trader Joe's

Slim Fast Low Carb Diet- Creamy Chocolate Shake

So my Doctor has decided that for various reasons we may want to try a low carb diet.
Does anyone still do Atkins? (yes, I know they do please don't send me 900 emails telling me so). There are many reason's I am not sure I am going to be able to pull this off. First I just don't eat a lot of meat and I don't know how I feel about any diet that says a carb is bad but I can have all the butter I want... wait maybe I didn't think that one through.

Being lazy today I decided to try a Slim Fast Low Carb Shake. Honestly, I don't mind the regular or the Optima shakes. No, they aren't great but they aren't without some charm. What's weird about the LCD shake is that the flavor shifts from vaguely chocolaty envelope paste to an almost Silk Soy Milk chocolate milk taste back to envelope paste. I know you are supposed to leisurely sip these shakes while thinking about how good you will look in clothes you bought hoping to fit into two years ago, but the only way I can stand it is to suck it down as fast as possible. This is by far not the best meal replacement ever.

PURCHASED FROM:
WalMart*

Sipahh- Chocolate Straws

I can be hard on some of the products that are redeigned versions of they're normal counterparts for being redundant or just plain lazy (yes, I am talking about you Jello Singles)
But this is one version that I can see the point to- and where it would make the lives of busy parents/caregivers easier and cleaner.

The Sipahh Straw is a cool little gizmo that has flavor, such as chocolate enclosed in the straw it's self- here is a picture from the Sipahh website:

The "flavor beads" are sealed into the tube so you get flavored milk with zero syrup mess. They also only add 10 calories to your glass of milk (or milk type product).

So how does it taste?
Well, you won't be mistaking it for Hershey's chocolate milk any time soon. It reminded me more of the way left over milk tastes after eating Cocoa Puffs then true chocolate milk but even with that it was still tasty- just different. Trying the chocolate has made me want to try the banana. As someone who has to force herself to drink milk for the calcium this was a fast, easy way to spice things up with no fuss.


PURCHASED FROM:
Albertsons Supermarket

Ciao Bella- Blood Orange Sorbet

Should I crank up the Dean Martin when I eat this?
Oh what am I saying! It is always a good time for Dean Martin.
The question is, is eating this worthy of Dean Martin.

The flavor is bold and very,very, very close to what it is like to eat frozen wedges of blood oranges. It was naturally sweet and yet it maintained it's tart qualities.
The texture is very icy, not nearly as smooth as the majority of sorbet's but it is just so good that you won't care.

Something else that I liked about the Ciao Bella was the ingredient list:
Blood Orange Juice, Orange Juice, Sugar, Pectin, Guar Gum.
It's not often that you find something so basic and natural that tastes this good. Excelient!

5-Hour Energy Shot

Kids, sometimes I do crazy things in order to bring you a good review... and sometimes I do crazy things just for the hell of it.
I want to tell you that I drank the 5-Hour energy shot simply to review it for you. But no. I drank it because I worked a really weird schedule this weekend and my insomnia is back in full force. Out of desperation before a daunting dinner shift that otherwise my butt would have been dragging on I picked up said 5-Hour Energy.

The ad's that seem to be on every 3 minutes promises instant energy with no jitters and no crash. It also promises to taste great.

I want to meet the person who said it tasted great. Great compared to what? Old tuna?, Pre-chewed gum?. Alright, that's a little unfair of me. It's not that it tastes bad. It's just that the best way of describing the flavor is to say that it's like a Red Bull for people who thought Red Bull was too sweet. That probably says it all. If not- it's really bitter!

Did it work?
Why yes it did! And it did work within minutes. All of a sudden I had more energy then I knew what to do with. I wasn't jittery per say, but I COULD NOT stay still- which my coworkers found funny. In fairness to 5-Hour Energy I had drank it with minimal food and in my old age I have less and less tolerance to caffeine. In fact, I drank the shot at 3:15 PM and come 3:00 AM I was still ready to go- but I felt awake and alert not wired or cloudy headed. As promised there was no crash and when I woke up the next day there were no lingering effects.

Because of my weenie-like response to caffeine I personally couldn't make this a regular part of my daily grind- but I would have no problem using it again if I needed a fast shot of energy (and not sleeping over the course of the next 16 hours were not an issue!)

PURCHASED FROM:
Jay's Shell Station Monrovia, Ca

Yoplait Light Apple Turnover Yogurt

I am warning you guys now we are going to have A LOT of yogurt this week!
Warm weather gets me on a yogurt kick so I have stocked my fridge. The first one I tried was the Yoplait Light Apple Turnover.
I have noticed that light yogurt tends to be either really bad or really good so I was not sure what to expect. Luckily for me the Apple Turnover was on the really good side.

The flavor is light and sweet. The flavor reminded me of baked cinnamon apples. The yogurt it's self is creamy and smooth and surprisingly light on the tang factor. Because of that it made it more satisfying as a sweet snack. The little bites of apple brought some crunch and a slight bitter edge. My only compliant with this yogurt is that the amount of apple bits is pretty sparse.

Really tasty overall and for a 100 calorie snack that is also fat free and relatively good for you it is hard to do better. This gets a coveted 11!

Dasani Plus- Calm & Relax Water

Dasani has added a fourth flavor to the plus Line!
I have tried all three of the original flavors and liked all of them enough to purchase them again (I still like the Pom/Blackberry best) so I was happy to see a new flavor out there.

The new water is a lemon lime that is supposed to calm and relax. And has extra vitamins E, B6 and Magnesium. I have been under a lot of stress lately and am up for trying anything that will help me chill out (OK almost anything). I also happen to like lemon lime so I figured it would be win-win.

The first thing that turned me off to be honest was the color. The water is a shade of yellow that to say it bluntly reminded me of urine. It's not bright enough to make me think of say a super sugary kids drink. And it's not clear enough to make me think of water with a fresh squirt of lemon or lime.

That lovely visual aside, let's move on to smell. It smells EXACTLY like a lime Otter Pop- you know those tubes of somewhat fruit flavored sugar that you freeze yourself. Not a bad smell. It's the kind of sweet smell that you know will be followed by an artificial flavor.

And the water does not disappoint, well actually it does. The flavor is a lot like one of those Otter Pops if you were to drink it unfrozen right from the tube. It's lemon lime in the fakest way possible. I don't get it, it's not like Coke doesn't make their share of lemon lime flavored products why did this one turn out so badly?
I kept drinking it, hoping that with each sip the flavor would grow on me. But alas, it never did.

The other three flavors are all pretty darn good but I will not be going back for seconds on this one.


PURCHASED FROM:
Target

Fuze Slenderize Strawberry Melon

So if I drink this it will make me thin?
The answer is not exactly but it does have only a butt load of vitamins (that's a technical term), only 10 calories, 2 carbs and a partridge in a pear tree per serving -OK so each bottle is actually 2 servings even at 20 calories and 4 carbs your still doing pretty god if you ask me.

The aforementioned butt load of vitamins include vitamin C (135 mg), Chromium (40mcg). Another couple things called L.Carnitine which according to the bottle is an amino acid that boosts energy and Super Citrimax that is supposed to help the metabolism. Since I have never heard of those last two supplements there is pretty much nothing more i can say about them but "ok..."

Does anyone out there really care about any of that?, be honest you just want to know what it tasted like.

So what did it taste like?
Not bad actually! it tasted most like a combo of cantaloupe and strawberry. It does have a bitter aftertaste but I thought it helped, I think without it the drink would have been way to sweet. I think this is one of those drinks that would be better as a Popsicle then straight from the bottle.

Not my favorite drink ever but as a mixer or a Popsicle it could be pretty good.

PURCHASED FROM:
Kroger (Ralph's depending on your location)